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When Mentors Fail Us


Posted by Ed Cabellon on 17 Feb 2010 / 499 Comments



I’ve been holding back for a long time on writing this.  This is the first time, publicly, I’m sharing my perspective on the scandal that went down at Tufts University two+ years ago.  It’s very personal for me, but something that I wanted to do because I’m ready for closure and need your help in making an important decision.  So here goes.

November 14th, 2007 is a day that will forever be etched in my professional and personal life.  The ACUI Regional Conference was starting and my dear friend and colleague, Erin Morrell and I were waiting in the hotel lobby for our 30+ International Delegates from Ireland and the UK to arrive.  We had worked hard for months to pull together a fantastic program for them and it was just about to start.

Then, a phone call came from my friend Laura:

“Hello?”

“(crying, sobbing) Ed? Is that you?”

“Yes, Laura?  What’s wrong!?! Why are you crying?  Is everything OK?”

“No, it’s about Jodie.  You need to sit down.  I wanted you to hear this from me before it hit the papers tomorrow.  Jodie has admitted to stealing over $300,000 from TSR (Tufts Student Resources business) and our department account.  Apparently, she’s been doing it since 2000 or so.”

<silence>

“Ed?  Did you hear what I just said?”

“WHAT?!? I can’t believe this, are you sure?”

“Yes, she just admitted it to the investigators.”

In that moment, my entire professional career seemed a fallacy.

Jodie Nealley was the Director of Student Activities at Tufts University and my first supervisor out of graduate school.  She was my mentor.  As the Assistant, and subsequently, Associate Director in the Office of Student Activities at Tufts, I worked closely with Jodie and our staff to build student life on campus.  From 2000-2005, I served as adviser to the Programming Board and multiple Greek Organizations, and was also responsible for the building the Leadership Program.  From 2005 – 2006, I was responsible for the operations of the Mayer Campus Center and worked closely with student employees.   According to testimony, she started taking money slowly (due to a gambling addiction) and over the course of six years, the numbers added up.  After hearing this news, I felt so stupid for not knowing this was happening right under our noses.  How did we all miss this?

I was hurt and betrayed beyond anything I had ever felt before. This was worse than anything I ever thought I have experienced in Student Affairs.

At that time, many of my former students called and/or visited me to process what had happened.  They wanted to go through the grieving process with me because the vision of Jodie as the mentor, friend, and supervisor they knew was no longer there.

As the story developed, we all learned that a second co-worker, Ray Rodriguez, was also charged with embezzling of over $600,000 of the Student Senate’s money.  According to reports, both of them were stealing INDEPENDENTLY of each other.  It was another punch to the gut and I was shell shocked for a long time.  Honestly, I’ve never really gotten over this feeling of betrayal that I buried deep inside.  However, last summer finally brought closure to the case, as both Jodie and Ray were found guilty and got two year prison sentences plus restitution obligations.

I thought I would find closure through the numerous conversations I had with students and staff, but I haven’t.  Think about your professional MENTOR.  How would you feel if you found out that during your time together, she or he lied to you everyday they worked with you?  All of those staff meetings, retreats, one on one meetings, and “teachable moments” would be faded, stale memories.

However, I won’t allow this to tarnish the honest, hard work that the rest of the staff and students put in.  I know the work we did was excellent and I believe that through our experiences together, I’m a better professional today.

Last week, I was contacted by a former Tufts staff member over Facebook chat.  He told me that he visited Jodie in jail and shared with me that she looked better, had done a lot of reflecting, and wanted to relay a message to all of us that she was truly sorry and knows that she let us all down.  He sent me Jodie’s mailing address as well as information on visiting if I chose to.  He thought it would be good for me, but I’m not so sure.  So far, he’s been the only person from Tufts to visit her, other than her partner and son.  The last time I spoke with Jodie was when I served as a reference for Laura.

Part of me is curious and wants to go and confront her to give me “closure”.  Another part of me wants to let things be, and just move on.   I’m so torn.

What would you do? Thanks for reading and letting me share my story.

More Online Articles About This Story:
http://www.tuftsdaily.com/2.5511/tsr-tcu-senate-have-evidence-suggesting-nealley-took-funds-1.589564 (2007)
http://www.tuftsdaily.com/alleged-embezzlers-arraigned-1.613895
(2008)
http://www.tuftsdaily.com/nealley-and-rodriguez-plead-not-guilty-during-arraignment-1.613284
(2008)

This is a cross-post on the Student Affairs Blog and On The Go!

Written by Ed Cabellon


  • ResLife4Life

    I don’t want to downplay your feelings of betrayal, but I would also challenge you (like others on this page have done) to focus on the positive things you learned from your mentor and remember that we are ALL human, and that no one is perfect. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet that could be potentially damning if they came out. Obviously, it is wrong to steal, but it’s unlikely that your mentor is “rotten to the core.” You learned great things from her — cherish those things. You are who you are today because of her. I think it would be far better for you to show your capacity for forgiveness than to dwell on the mistake she made.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Well said, thank you. With every comment I read, I get closer and closer to making up my mind. Maybe it is time for me to forgive her, in person, and move on. I appreciate your comments!

  • http://www.twitter.com/AndreaHart Andrea

    Ed,

    Thank you for sharing this with us, I can tell you have thought and felt deeply about this. I too thought what Jeff did while reading your post. I can see why you would call into question everything Jodie told you while you were working so closely, but I don’t think her actions necessarily negate the learning that happened in the meantime.

    Jeannette is right though, this decision is ultimately yours to make. Confronting her brings up even more intensely all the feelings surrounding the whole situation, yes, but does the closure you could get outweigh that? While I’ve had an experience where I felt my mentor failed me (years back), it was not nearly on the scale that yours is. I chose not to confront her but I do still think about it years down the line and wonder if I should have.

    While I can’t tell you what to do, I think given the chance (geographically and other), I would probably want to sit down with my old mentor and talk through what happened between us.

    Good luck Ed, you know we support you either way.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Andrea. I appreciate you reaching out and lending your support. I will take all of this into consideration!

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  • http://thesearchforaphd.wordpress.com/ LaShonda Anthony

    This is very sad and must feel like almost a death of a relationship you thought existed. I’m glad to hear she has reflected and is trying to make amends.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks LaShonda, I appreciate you taking the time out to comment!

  • Liz

    I understand your betrayal. My father suffered from a gambling addiction in secrecy for a long time. When my family found out, we were shocked and hurt. I realize the forgiveness process I had to go through was different because he was my father, but an addiction is a huge thing in someone’s life. And I am sure she can use your support. I know it’s not something to easily recover from, but her theft because of her addiction does not mean that she didn’t care for you or for her students. Anyway, thank you for sharing.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Liz, you’re welcome and thanks for commenting. Thank you for sharing your father’s story, I can’t even imagine. You’re probably right when you say that “she could use my support” as no one else has visited her. I know she cared about our staff and students, it’s just hard to comprehend that care with the theft and all. I appreciate your comment, thank you!

  • Cynthia Inz

    What a tough situations to work through. I would have to ask myself what I feel could be gained from going to see her. Do I have unanswered questions that only she could answer? Do I need an explanation? What will this provide me with that I don’t have already. I’d really have to reflect on the benefits to re-opening this relationship and if it was something that I truly had to do.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Cynthia, I really appreciate your feedback and comments and knowing you understand where I’m coming from!

  • http://twitter.com/JennaMagnuski Jenna Peterson

    Ed,

    When your mentor, or even a mentee, doesn’t perform the way we believe they should it is a shock to our systems. We tie our identities into one another’s so tightly that when they falter, so do we. Your continued feelings of shock and confusion are a natural part of grieving a significant disappointment. I really empathize with you.

    I would agree that it is important to sort out what value visiting Jodie would hold for you. What questions do you have? What feelings do you need to resolve?

    Another thought – what effects would it have on Jodie to see you? Would it help her to heal as well? How important is that to you?

    What if you go, and it only leads to more strife – is that an acceptable outcome to you also? On the reverse, if it went well, would you want to reopen the relationship? What would that mean?

    I realize I’m giving more thoughts than an actual “what would I do” – but I’d have to agree Christopher Lawrence. What I would do isn’t necessarily what you should do. But I applaud your desire to explore and process your feelings – it’s a hard decision to make, when it’s so tempting to just avoid it.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Jenna. It’s been two years of wrestling with this question and since she was sentenced last summer, it’s been haunting me about what I wanted to do. And as I read all the great comments and support here and on Twitter, I feel more and more inclined to see her to give me closure. The hard thing is following through once the thoughts start going through my mind about what the meeting will be like. I appreciate your comment, thank you!

  • Anonymous

    I had a student that I worked very closely with for years who ended up stealing almost $20,000 from a student account. I was one of the people who found the error and ultimately had to confront him and turn him over to police. He was charged with a felony and had to make restitution and was admitted to a first time offender’s program. I cannot tell you the amount of betrayal and disappointment that I felt.

    After his release during his initial arrest he wanted to come and speak with me and another colleague. At first, I was very hesitant but I really wanted to know why. I wanted to know if he was sorry. I wanted to know if he really knew the impact of his actions. We did meet and through teary eyes he apologized and I eventually forgave him. He occasionally drops me a line and lets me know how he’s doing, and how thankful he is that I had the courage to intervene and eventually forgive him.

    It’s a lot of work, but it has an amazing reward!

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Wow, thanks for sharing that personal story Gary. It is making me think, and for that, I am very grateful. Thanks for commenting.

  • Michael J. Breitner

    I know how you feel about wanting closure versus wanting to forget and move on. I worked at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas in the Moyer Student Union from 1997 to 2001. Michele Taylor, my supervisor and mentor, always put 100% of herself into everything she did. We worked so closely together that some students thought we were married.

    During the July 4th 2001 holiday, I received a call at 2 a.m. from Michele. She had had a fight with her husband about recent infidelity with his ex-wife and his desire to leave Michele to return to his ex-wife. She was distraught and we talked for a time until she seemed calm enough to go to bed.

    On the 4th, I received a mid-morning call from Michele’s husband. When he had woken up that morning, he found Michele dead on the couch. She had consumed a large quantity of alcohol and approximately 75 sleeping pills.

    I saw a therapist for a year and transferred to another position within UNLV Student Affairs. My last conversation with Michele haunted me. In the end, I was able to forgive her for leaving me in such a way and to forgive myself for not doing more for her.

    The forgiveness of sins is my greatest struggle. It’s certainly easier to “Let It Be.’ But the freedom I’ve felt from setting down the baggage of hurt and betrayal has allowed me to truly move forward in my life.

    I wish for you the peace that comes from forgiving.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Oh my goodness Michael. First, thank you for sharing such a personal and tragic story here. I appreciate your perspective and hope that I can find that peace you speak of above. I’m sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine what you went through.

      Thanks again for sharing this.

  • http://twitter.com/WastusMaximus Christopher Lawrence

    Ed,

    Wow, thank you for sharing this experience. I think it was a punch to the gut for many of us in student affairs, so I can only imagine how it felt for you. The counselor in me hesitates from providing advice concerning whether or not to go…but I would post this question: will it help FOR you to see her face to face? What would you gain from visiting her in prison that you wouldn't be able to gain from waiting until she is out of prison and possibly talking to her then? Will it provide the closure you seek and could it even evoke additional sympathy that might bring you closer to forgiveness seeing her in a prison jumpsuit?

    Whatever the decision, I wish you luck in your journey towards closure.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thank you Chris, I appreciate your comment and your feedback! I'm sure at “some point” our paths will cross again, its whether I do want it to be in jail or after she's served her sentence. We shall see, thanks again!

  • Anonymous

    Ed,
    Thank you for sharing. I struggled with something similar early on in my career. Instead of prosecuting, my institution chose to let the person resign (the amount of money was significantly less). That person is now a Student Union Director at another institution. I am challenged because I know they stole from my undergrad institution, betraying all those they had mentored, they continue to work in the field and their current institution probably has no idea of their past embezzlement. I often wonder what I would do if I ever came face-to-face with this person again…

  • John Mayo

    Ed, thanks for sharing this very personal story. I can't imagine how are feeling. To answer your question “what would I do?” I think I would want to visit just for closure, but I don't know if I could actually do it.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      That's the hard part John. I think I do want to see her, but the follow through piece is a harsh reality. thanks for commenting!

  • http://www.shannonalbert.me Shannon Albert

    So well written, Ed. I can feel how betrayed you were when this all happened. While it's hugely disappointing, I know you must have learned a lot of things from her and take away the positives of that. Addictions of all kinds are powerful forces so hopefully she can recover from that and do good work when she's out of jail.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Shannon. I did learn a lot from her and will always have that with me. It's getting over the circumstances it was all under, you know? I appreciate your comment and feedback as always!

  • http://twitter.com/jefflail jefflail

    Ed,

    I can imagine your disappointment at this person who had played such an important role in your career and personal development. I can also see how this situation would have called your whole office into question, thus compounding the hurt and feeling of betrayal.

    I'm inclined to agree with Chris; I think you are the only one who can really decide what you need in order to get closure. However, I would say that your mentor's hypocrisy does not necessarily invalidate the wise advice and counsel that she did give you, but instead reminds us that we all have faults and can make terrible and wrong decisions when placed in a situation where we have too much power.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Great points sir, as always. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. As someone who works in a Student Center/Activities, I'm sure you can appreciate what this could do to a community. I know she's a good person deep down, but made some very poor choices. Still torn, but getting closer to a decision. Thanks again!

  • http://twitter.com/JeannetteMarie JeannetteMarie

    Ed,

    Thank you for sharing something so personal. The very wise commentors have already provided you with some excellent thinking points. This choice is intensely yours. What would you gain? What would you lose? Will it provide the closer you are seeking.

    I also like what Jeff said “However, I would say that your mentor's hypocrisy does not necessarily invalidate the wise advice and counsel that she did give you, but instead reminds us that we all have faults and can make terrible and wrong decisions when placed in a situation where we have too much power.”

    J

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks so much for comment Jeannette, I will take your questions into consideration as I finalize my decision. Much appreciated!

  • joegutowski

    Ed,

    Wow — I remember hearing about this story when it first came out and never thought I would be reminded of it again by someone I was “connected” to, even if only through social media networks. I shouldn't be surprised, though; Student Affairs is a small world.

    In terms of visiting, you have to decide what a visit would do for you. Would it truly bring you closure, would it evoke some of the emotions that came out when you first learned of everything or would it bring about more questions. Are you prepared to hear Jodie's full side of the story? I realize this is creating more questions for you, but these are some of the immediate things that came to mind.

    My advice to you is to exactly what you're doing — soliciting advice from those that you are close to and connected to. If you're a religious person, take the time to pray about it and do some internal reflection.

    I don't know if you still feel that hurt and betrayal or if you've effectively managed those emotions. If you feel like you haven't, it might be that a visit could be the best thing for you. If I have any sense of who you are as a person, I would wager a guess that you probably still care for Jodie because of what she did for your professionally and personally, even if in the end, that relationship came to an abrupt end. If that's still the case, I would take that leap of faith and make the visit. You would probably learn more about what happened, you would probably be able to ask the questions that you may have wanted to ask for the past couple of years and you would probably walk away reaffirmed in your own talents as a honest, ethical and committed student affairs professional.

    Best of luck to you… keep us posted on your processing and come back to us if you need to.

    @j_gutowski

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks for the feedback Joe. I will take all your great feedback above and think about it some more. As I mentioned above, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to make the trip to see her, but perhaps after she's out? I know I just need to make a decision and follow through. I appreciate the time you took out to respond and share your thoughts.

  • Anonymous

    Ed,

    What a deeply personal story. I’m trying to imagine, as you suggest here, what this could possibly feel like. To be honest, I just can’t wrap my head around it.

    On a positive note, I remember meeting you briefly at ACUI in 2007 (I attended a session you presenting on preparing for a job search after graduate school) and you were incredibly helpful. Knowing this now, I don’t know how you were able to hold it all together!

    If it were me, I don’t think visiting her in prison would help me move on. That’s an incredibly tough situation, and I know a visit would only open back up all those feelings of betrayal and disbelief, when what I really want is to put it behind me. Do what’s best for you, whatever that may be. What would you hope to gain from the visit?

    Best of luck, whatever your decision ends up being. I hope you are able to close this chapter.

    Kristen

  • http://higheredcareercoach.com/ Sean Cook

    Thanks for sharing this, Ed. Like the others who responded, I can both feel your sense of betrayal and confusion, and personally identify with it. I also agree with those who noted that what she did was a personal failure related to her gambling addiction and that it shouldn’t invalidate the good advice, good memories and lessons you learned from her.

    Forgiveness is a hard thing, in part because to forgive others, we need to first forgive ourselves for placing our trust in someone who didn’t altogether deserve it. To do that, you have to first acknowledge that this trust comes from a general belief in the goodness of others and that having that sort of faith in humanity isn’t, in general, a bad thing. Keeping it on the bright side of life will cause you far less pain than being constantly suspicious and cynical.

    So take a good hard look at that part of the equation first. Are you ready to forgive yourself for trusting her? Are you ready to let go of that sense of betrayal? If you aren’t, don’t go visit her, it will likely go badly and you’ll end up feeling worse.

    On the other hand, if you have worked through this and you know that you will only give her a measured amount of trust, balanced out by healthy skepticism and some self-protecting boundaries, then give it a try. If it goes well, maybe you’ll make peace with it, and if you want to resume a friendship, there will be some foundation. But don’t expect too much, and definitely allow yourself the permission to just be done with it and with her. Only visit her if you think it will really help you, and not hurt her. You don’t need new baggage about your relationship to your old mentor, and she deserves to serve out her sentence, make amends in her own way, and move on with her life. Best of luck and please let us know if you need support in working through this. Take care of yourself!

  • http://twitter.com/LeahWescott Leah Wescott

    I'm a closure person, too, but sometimes I think a lack of closure is uncomfortable but healthy. Often, when we see people we admire fall, it's because they let themselves believe they were untouchable. We are all in positions of power, and reminding ourselves that our behaviors as role models pack a huge punch could be the best defense against violations of integrity. Whenever someone tells me “I'm honest” or “I'm a good role model,” without adding “I'm human,” I'm suspicious. We all try to act with integrity, but we've seen people we thought were stronger than us fail. Whether you see Jodie or not, she may have taught you another powerful lesson about vulnerability.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Leah, well put. I did learn a lot from Jodie and this final lesson may have been the greatest one. I often wonder why none of the former staff and I were ever subpoenaed in the case, but my hope is that she took full responsibility and left us out of it. When she was finally caught, she didn't deny it, she did take full responsibility. Perhaps a seeing her again would help both of us. Thanks for commenting.

      • http://twitter.com/LeahWescott Leah Wescott

        I hope you'll keep us posted on what happens and what factors influence your upcoming decisions. Forgiveness is a complex topic, and you're providing so much insight I hope we can keep learning from your journey.

        Colleagues, we might consider using Ed's post as a case study at an upcoming meeting or training event. Staff (especially students) will probably jump first to some dualistic reactions, but exploring the gray areas could lead to an amazing exploration of ethics.

  • http://twitter.com/cindykane Cindy Kane

    Have you thought about writing her a letter? Write it and then see what you think of the result… it might a) inspire you to mail it or b) give you some focus on what you’d want to say to her…

  • http://twitter.com/thestacyface Stacy

    Ed,

    I don't feel like I have much to contribute beyond what previous commentators shared. These are those uncomfortable situations in life that ask us to reconcile emotion with ethics, something that seems incongruous. But so much of our ethics are tied to our emotions — what feels right in our heart and in our stomach.

    Even if you decide to never see her or have contact with her again, she has learned from you what it means to be an honest professional with integrity. The mentoring tables have turned, even from afar, and you can take solace in knowing you were true to yourself when others didn't share that same strength.

    • http://edcabellon.com edcabellon

      Thanks Stacy, I appreciate your comments. I'm still unsure as to what I'm going to do, but am getting closer to making a decision. In the end, I know that whatever I do decide will be right. Thanks again.

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  • Petrovak1982

    I'd visit her and tell her exactly how i feel. Then i'd let her talk.

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