As a Student Affairs professional, we’re trained to develop a rapport with our students, to go beyond student ID numbers, case files, and isolated conversations to engage more meaningfully with the students.  We’re encouraged to look at students as individuals, rather than a mere part of the greater student body so that we can best meet their needs.  Many of us would likely admit to being innately altruistic individuals who are naturally drawn to a position that enables us to help students reach holistic measurements of development and success in the world of higher education.   But with all of the advocacy for developing all these connections with our students, are we opening ourselves up to taking on their hurts?

When you are working closely with students as a Residence Life professional, you’re likely to encounter student accounts of trouble at home, financial struggles, academic pressures, etc.  In fact, you hear about some particular issues so often that you run the risk of becoming desensitized and apathetic, which could render you ineffective in appropriately addressing these issues with students.  But if you are a naturally sensitive individual or sensitive to particular issues, it’s likely that there are some issues that really tug at your heart strings, which can be equally problematic. Because it could otherwise be an entire article in itself, I will assume that with your training and experiences you’re able to address these difficult issues professionally and effectively in the moment.  But once you’ve handled the situation appropriately with the level of concern and engagement demanded of you by the nature of the position, do you then carry those burdens with you?

My heart aches for the students who have to leave the halls and their friends because they can’t afford to pay for their housing anymore.  My blood boils for students who are faced with intolerance on the parts of other students, staff, or faculty.  And my mind is completely boggled by the issues of violence, hatred, and assault that face our students.  While I understand my professional role to intervene where there are violations of policy and to offer a safe place for students to go, I find these challenges to be a bigger issue at the end of the day when it’s time to go home, when I’m no longer bound by the guideline’s of professionalism.

So my question is: After a day, week, month, or semester of actively participating with students and assisting them with their challenges in an engaged way, how do you disengage and leave those burdens, hurts, and headaches behind without becoming callous in your relationships with the students?

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

Today in the car while I was running errands, I heard a radio commercial from the Pennsylvania Department of Health regarding flu prevention. They are telling people with the flu to stay home from work in order to get better and, more importantly, not to spread the sickness to others at work. This naturally led me to think of this from a Student Affairs prospective specifically related to our own undying work ethic and the selfless defiance of “caring for thyself” in the service to others and the notion of always being at work. In many regards (particularly for ResLifers), we overwork ourselves, and it becomes a badge of courage to discuss spending countless hours with campus police or hospital staff, burning the midnight oil with staff on programming initiatives, and caring for the students that we serve. And as we all well know, a “day off” isn’t truly a day off.

That’s why this holiday season, I challenge you to put down the work and truly care for thyself. (As I told a stressed colleague this past week, “Work will be there tomorrow.”) Take the time to spend with friends and family or simply to rest and relax by yourself. Here are 50 suggestions for how you can care for thyself this holiday season:

  1. Dont check your work emails during your vacation. Turn on your away message, and stick to it!
  2. Do the same for work phone messages. Leave emergency forwarding information for other campus personnel that can assist.
  3. Disconnect from all social media (ie., Facebook, Twitter, etc.) for one or two days. Social media has an uncanny way of drawing you back into work.
  4. Go to the library and check out a book for casual reading you normally wouldn’t get to do.
  5. Play a boardgame or card games when visiting friends and family.
  6. Go to the mall and get an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. (Cinnamon sugar is so good!)
  7. Treat yourself and a friend for a meal and a seasonal craft drink at a local brewpub.
  8. Go ice skating (there are rinks in our nation’s warm regions as well).
  9. Take a bunch of naps.
  10. Watch those guilty pleasure holiday movies on ABC Family.
  11. Check out Groupon.com for awesome holiday offers.
  12. Go to a spa for a day of personal pampering.
  13. Tailgate at your local NFL city even if you don’t have tickets to the game.
  14. Call a family member or friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile.
  15. Chill out all day watching Netflix movies online or on DVD.
  16. Take your laptop to your local free WiFi spot to surf the web for fun.
  17. Hang out at the mall and people watch.
  18. Get a bunch of friends and family together to go to the movies and a snack afterwards.
  19. Check the paper for free local cultural events and opportunities to attend.
  20. Get some coloring books and crayons and color with your kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews.
  21. Share time looking at old family photos with relatives.
  22. Rent an entire season of your favorite TV show and watch all of the episodes back-to-back.
  23. Go for a longer run than normal.
  24. Take a long car ride to a favorite local place or somewhere brand new to you (explore!)
  25. Purchase and put together a holiday puzzle.
  26. Try a new flavored coffee you’ve never tried.
  27. Attend a local holiday parade.
  28. Take friends and family and get photos with Santa.
  29. Enjoy some holiday-colored-sprinkled Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
  30. Play video games all day with no regret.
  31. Attend a local sporting event.
  32. Attend a holiday murder mystery dinner.
  33. Create a 2010 memory photo book on Shutterfly or Snapfish.
  34. Start a personal private journal.
  35. Write a personal list (not work-related) of New Year’s Resoultions and share with friends and family.
  36. Make New Year’s Eve plans to attend a dinner/dance/concert/comedian and mingle with people you do not know.
  37. Plan and begin a new exercise routine.
  38. Sign up for and attend a Zumba class.
  39. Spend a day watching funny and entertaining videos on YouTube.
  40. Take a train or bus trip to the city.
  41. Invite a friend to go along with you to spend your holiday gift cards.
  42. Test drive a brand new car you would like to buy.
  43. Get a group of friends or relatives together and drive to see a large holiday light display.
  44. Try cooking a new recipe and share a meal with a friend.
  45. Bundle up with a loved-one and drink hot chocolate on the porch (if in colder climates)
  46. Attend local “First Night” festivities on New Year’s Eve with friends and family.
  47. Write a letter with pen and paper to someone special and mail it.
  48. Spend extra time with your hobby (e.g., cooking, crafting, geneaology, scrapbooking, etc.)
  49. Buy a fresh holiday flower arrangement or plant to enjoy in your home.
  50. Indulge in something you have been denying yourself (e.g., goodies & treats, personal leisure time, etc.)

What are some other ways you’ll spend enjoying your holiday?

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.

Throughout my time in graduate school, I’ve heard countless professionals say, “Make sure you get lots of experience outside your functional area.” Great advice, no doubt. In practice, though, how does this work?

Maybe it’s just the stress from the end of my third semester of grad school catching up with me, but I think there’s a big disconnect here. The primary purpose of attending school is to receive an education, so the priority is to academics. I often take issue with this and convince myself that I’m here to get experience, but my supervisor is quick to correct me saying, “If it weren’t for school, you wouldn’t have an assistantship.” Fair enough.

Next, I’m fully committed to that assistantship, which is a 20-hour a week position, but allows for so many more experiences and opportunities. I have no problem whatsoever putting in more hours than that a week, and do so often because I care about my position and the students that I work with. Meetings late in the evening, events on the weekends, these are par for the course.

After that comes the “balance” that so often gets preached in higher ed. Finding time to have a social life, visiting my fiancé, planning a wedding, heck, reading a good book; these are all critical to my well-being.

Where do these outside experiences fit? How critical are they? In a word, very. I’m a much better student and will be a more prepared professional because of the work that I do outside my assistantship in Student Campus Events. I’ve served on committees to select Greek Life’s Pan-Hellenic Organization of the Year and Residential Education’s Program of the Year. I’ve become active in professional organizations that aren’t necessarily my functional area, attending the Association of College Unions Internationals conference when my supervisor invited me to attend NACA. I spent last summer as an orientation intern at Bard College. I took an independent study where I learned practical research skills by comparing the different types of programming done by offices across campus. I lurk on Twitter chats about academic advising and Greek life. All of this I managed to fit in while still holding on to the things I value most about my grad school experience.

It’s not about the big things, about having these career-altering experiences. It’s about finding the ways to make that experience work for you.

Truth be told, I started this post in a bad way. It’s frustrating to think of how much is placed on graduate students. These expectations, combined with how little time is available, take away from doing all the things we want to do to define our own experiences, a key part of the graduate experience. In the end, though, I realized that it’s not that tough. It just takes a little time, encouragement, and strategic planning. Hmm, strategic planning…..sounds like another skill I just incorporated.

Seth Hagler is a Graduate Assistant for Student Campus Events at Vanderbilt University

I snore. Loudly. Incessantly.

My wife would often spend hours in another room or on the couch because of my ability to create a great deal of noise while I slept. At some point it became problematic enough for me to seek the advice of my physician.  Two sleep studies later, I’m the proud owner of a CPAP breathing machine.  Now I don’t snore… I wear a mask at night and that helps me breathe.

At this point you might be wondering to yourself, “Self, is this another post about balance, cleverly disguised as a post about Matt’s breathing issues?” Well, no. It’s not. While breathing is important (and I do suggest that you take or make time to breathe every day (not just in and out, but deep cleansing forget-about-work-for-30-or-60-seconds breathing), I’m not writing about that. I’m writing about asking for help. Out loud. Verbally. Directly.

It took me a long time to ask for help with this.  I figured that my condition was something I could just handle and with which I could simply deal.  My wife felt otherwise, and pleaded with me to talk to my doctor. Finally, I did. I asked for help. And what a difference it made.

I had no idea that my failure to ask for help with this issue was preventing me from doing so much.  Before I got my CPAP, I’d wake up tired and headachy.  This, in turn, left me largely useless at work until the Tylenol or ibuprofen kicked in, and, I’m told, didn’t really facilitate my having a positive attitude.  Beyond that, I’d be super tired by the middle of the afternoon, so my productivity waned.  So, I took a 9 hour work day (if you include the lunch hour) and could really only utilize about 6 ½ hours of it productively, 5 ½ with a break for lunch.  Beyond that, in not asking for help external to my job, it made my relationships with my coworkers that much more challenging because of my attitude and attentiveness.

But it took me directly asking for help with this thing that I thought I could handle.  And I couldn’t just hint that I needed help.  I had to directly ask my doctor for assistance.  I realize in retrospect that I was just dumb for not having asked for help earlier, but it really felt silly to me to ask for help with what seemed to be such a common problem.

This also helped me realize that I was the creator of much of my own demise at work.  I took on work because I was expected to take on work.  However, it was never said to me that I couldn’t ask for help.  However, in not asking for help, I would constantly feel stressed at work.  I would make deadlines, but just barely.  I would go home stressed at night and be short with my wife, toddler daughter, and newborn son.  Once I figured out that I wasn’t the only person in the office who could do some of the things that I did – and trusted that others in the office could make my life better and do a good job on certain tasks without greatly impacting their own productivity – then all of a sudden I was a happier, less stressed co-worker and supervisor.  I’m not saying that I don’t do any work any more – I just involve my peers in the things that I can and on the tasks I know they can do better than me.  I still do a lot, but I do a lot more with help.

But it took my directly asking for assistance to make this happen.  I couldn’t just hint that I had a ton to do, because my colleagues had much to do themselves.  Passive-aggressively dropping the fact that a report needed to get finished wasn’t going to get it done, nor would it get me assistance.  Once I cleared this hurdle of asking someone else to help me get part of my work done, the change was instantly noticeable.

And, lo and behold, I had time to breathe.

Matt Pistilli coordinates evaluation and administration for Student Access, Transition and Success Programs at Purdue University.

Author’s note: Snoring is no small matter. Sleep apnea is a serious condition that can lead to heart disease and other health issues.  If you or someone you care about snores a lot – and, more so, stops breathing in his/her sleep, please suggest that they see their physician about getting help. More information on sleep apnea can be found at http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/SleepApnea/SleepApnea_WhatIs.html.

Recently, I’ve noticed the trend topic of self care showing up more on places such as Twitter, here on the SA Blog, and The Huffington Post. People are talking about their adventures in working out, changing their diet (like myself), etc.

I think those articles, Facebook updates, and Tweets are great and I know have personally helped motivate me in my attempts to live a healthier life. However, there’s one glaring topic that I have not seen as much of: healthy sleeping habits (again, guilty as charged). The Huffington Post has started a campaign called “The Freshmen 8” in which they are encouraging first year students to make sure that they get their eight hours of sleep per day. Dr. Michael J. Breus writes:

“Sleep deprivation leads to poor concentration, inability to focus, decreased coordination… in college terms, lower grades and potentially less-than-peak athletic performance. Not necessarily the way you want to start, spend or end your college career.”

So, doesn’t the same hold for us? While most student affairs professionals are the poster children for over-achieving: working long hours with usually the least amount of resources allocated within an institution. On top of our daily grueling schedules, we also work on presentations for conferences, participate on professional committees, write articles/blogs, do podcasts, consult, and/or work on an additional terminal degree…and I’m not even getting into our personal commitments (our families, friends, hobbies, etc). There is literally not enough time in the day if your a student affairs proessfional.

We talk about balancing with our students but are we role modeling that behavior? I bet most folks would say yes that they are since balance is really a subjective topic and will be different for everyone. With that said, I am putting out this challenge: make sure you get at least 8 hours of sleep yourself so that you can achieve whatever goals you have, whether it’s a one specific to that day or one that’s a life-long goal. For me, that means I’m going to have to break some bad habits that I have formed which are mostly around being glued to my iPhone or other devices every second that I am awake.

With the benefits you get from being well-rested, maybe your productivity will go up. Maybe you won’t need so much caffeine to keep you concentrated and coordinated. I’m going to start a log to see if I notice any changes in my day and I’ll make sure to do a follow blog in a month or two to share with everyone. I hope you’ll join me and post any changes you notice.

Note: If you would like to read Dr. Michael J. Breus’ article, you can find it here: http://huff.to/akPUa0

Pete Pereira is Coordinator of Campus Activities at Texas State University – San Marcos

My department’s equivalent of “opening” happens on Friday with the return of our Orientation staff.  I’m feeling the typical range of excitement, gratitude for the approaching fall weather, cursing myself for making the summer project list too long…and utter terror at the thought of the to-do list.  How am I spending this week?

On vacation.

You read this right.  Student affairs martyrs of America, I know you are freaking out and probably are getting ready to e-mail my supervisor to find out how this is possible.

There is a three and a half week gap between the closing of my son’s preschool on campus and the start of his next step in the journey, kindergarten.  With such a long period of time to schedule, we needed to wait until this point in the summer to take a week of vacation as a family and there wasn’t a darned thing I could do about it.

I distinctly remember life before I became a parent and hearing this same explanation from those with children thinking “sure, your kid’s April vacation on the same week as our Spring Week and you’re not coming in? Must be nice to have that option.” I really didn’t know it, but there was no option for many of these people as they, like our family, may not have had the “go-to” relative nearby to help save the day.

I will confess that it’s taken me about two months to make peace with the fact that I was going to be off for the week before opening. I was having a bit of a crisis of guilt mixed with a bit of student affairs martyrdom in thinking that if all of my colleagues across the country were in their offices going nutty then I needed to be too. I am ashamed to even type these words, as someone who preaches the “hire great people and stay out of their way” approach to supervision.

Reality check came next. Guess what?! I did hire great people and they do their best when I stay out of their way and let them shine. Truth be told, the illusion that summer is a ‘break” just isn’t real and we’ve been preparing for this all along.  They are going to be crazy busy this week, but it would be that way whether I was there or not because our department is hosting some giant programs coming up in the next two weeks.

I’ve spent all summer patiently waiting for time off with both my husband and son, a quick trip to visit my parents, and the great feeling of more than five sequential days of casual dress.  I’ll admit that I’m going to be reading e-mail as it just causes less stress to me to know there are no e-mail surprises. Rest assured though, there won’t be much replying but to a very short list of possible senders. (if your position title has the word “president” anywhere in it, congrats! You’ve made the cut!)

I honestly have no idea how someone can be a “micro manager” and also be a parent. This small redheaded person has taught me so much about loving life while he dictates my vacation schedule, forces seriously inconvenient exits from work due to sicknesses, and has destroyed most every hope I have of ever sleeping late again. I value blow-drying my hair in the morning as my only minutes of solitude each day and the last ten movies I’ve seen in theaters have all been animated.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A year ago at this time, I was unwittingly preparing for what would become my most difficult semester as a professional in student affairs. Over and over again, my supervisor asked me how she could help with student staff training or early arrival processes. I repeatedly declined her offers of help. The work was time consuming and tedious, but not difficult. We were short a professional staff member in the office and so I added more to my plate at a time when my plate was already overflowing.

In October, things began crashing in around me. There was a student death on campus. My supervisor left her position with less than a day’s notice, leaving me as the only full-time staff member in our department. The university was taking a critical look at my department to see if it was meeting expectations in its second year of auxiliary operation. With each new challenge placed in front of me, I accepted more responsibility personally and professionally than I should have.

Offers of help and support came in from friends at schools across the Midwest. Though the offers were appreciated, I had no idea how to best utilize the people around me. It wasn’t as though they could come in and answer the phone for a day or take the duty cell phone for a night. At some point in our lives, most of us erroneously start associating asking for help with being weak.

And then one day I sent an e-mail asking for help. The initial e-mail went to a handful of professionals in the Great Lakes Association of College and University Housing Officers. They were women who had consistently been involved in my professional development through mutual conference attendance or sharing of resources. I had no specific goal in mind with my e-mail, but I let them know that I wasn’t in a good place and needed help. Within days, my established professional support network became a personal safety net. There were daily phone calls and e-mails checking on me as well as moments of letting me bounce ideas off of them for feedback as I tried to keep our department moving forward. When we all arrived on site for the annual regional conference in mid-November, we gathered in a suite on the top floor of the hotel, where I finally cried.

It struck me that night that we aren’t afraid of asking for help only because it makes us feel weak; we also fear that when we reach a hand out for help, no one will be there. I can count at least four professional relationships that are stronger because I asked for help in October and three new professional relationships I’ve built by asking for help since then.

Especially at this time of year, which can be overwhelming and daunting, we all need a reminder that others are there to help, even when we aren’t sure what we need. You might find the answer you need or the support to find that answer on your own.

I was running very early the other morning with my kids in a stroller. For the first half of the run I concentrated on my running speed, talking to the kids, and asking myself why did I get up so early (and push two kids in a stroller). I was so focused on my own needs and keeping the kids “entertained” that I forgot where we were going. After a half hour, I turned around to head home but this time I was aware of the trees, the sound of the creek next to us, the tweeting of the birds, and the pounding sound of my shoes and the stroller tires. It was at this point I realized how much running was like what we in student affairs do to prepare for the upcoming academic year.

For those who run, setting new goals is as common practice as increasing your running pace to prepare for a half-marathon. A running plan is developed to achieve goals. Either daily or weekly achievements are set toward the final goal.  Similarly for student affairs professionals, summer is seen as an opportunity to refresh, renew, and begin new practices. This is often reflected by analyzing the previous year’s assessment reports, new policy development, and project management. We set deadlines, do project review, develop policies and procedures. The summer moves along until August.

For runners, injuries may accrue due to the pressure of the training program. They have been so focused on meeting goals that they forgot to listen to their body. The end point may be close, but they continue or increase their training sessions. For student affairs professionals, August means training and preparation. The grand plans developed during summer are set in motion. We spend endless hours in training sessions and meetings. We push ourselves and our team to the max, prepping campus for the arrival of our students.

Then “the wall” hits. For the runner, the body reacts to the training and pressure it is under and a fight between the runner’s mental and physical strength occurs. They begin to question why they run at all if this is what running is about. This can also happen for student affairs professionals during this time period. We may ask ourselves: Why are we here? Why are we doing this?

Some student affairs professionals (and their staff) can be over-trained, and overwhelmed by the pressure of meeting new goals. We work endless nights getting ready for the grand arrival of our students but suffer burn-out and exhaustion when they do arrive. Yes, the students are moved in and ready for classes but we are no longer happy to see them. Runners also experience this “over-training” concept. They have worked so hard toward their goal but are no longer are joyful on achieving it. The body may fail and even though the goal is in sight, the runner might stop altogether because the desire is gone.

I realized this quickly on that morning run. I was so focused on my goals, on what I was trying to achieve that I forgot why I was out there running. I was pushing (literally and figuratively) towards something so hard that I didn’t allow the goal to be “right there” with me. For runners, this is called “the zone”. I have only experienced this a few times in my running experience so I’ll try my best to explain it. “The zone” is where the body and mind unite and in motion together. The world around you seems to move in slow motion even though you are running. You can hear your heart beat and your mind working together. Thoughts seem to flow in and out but never distracting you from your path. A greater awareness of self comes into place.

For student affairs, I advise that we take a step back and find our “zone”, especially during August. Let’s release the pressure we have on ourselves to have everything ready for our students. Look around and be in the moment with your colleagues and your staff members. Enjoy their laughter and awkwardness in getting to know each other. Listen to their conversations, rather than thinking of that batch of emails you have to send out once you get back in the office. We push so hard to put our grand plans into action that we forget to step back and allow them to develop organically. The students will come no matter what. It’s best for us to finish the race, at ANY pace than to not finish at all.

Now, I’m off for a casual run (physically and mentally). Are you ready to join me?

Licinia “Lulu” Barrueco Kaliher, Ed.D., is a Ray Street Complex Director at the University of Delaware.

Last weekend, I took my four-year old daughter out bike riding and she told me she was ready to take her training wheels off.  At first, I was a bit concerned since I really wasn’t sure if she was ready, but her excitement won me over and I did as she asked.  We went to my alma mater, Stonehill College, and began riding.  At first, she wanted me to hold on to her because she was scared and didn’t want me to let go.  A few times, I did let her go to see how balanced she was and she fell.  However, she didn’t cry.  She just got up, picked up her bike and tried again.  At one point, she was able to ride short distances on her own, but still was not satisfied.  I still had to prop her up on the bike, balance her, and then give her a slight nudge forward.  I thought she would be happy with her progress, but she wanted to figure out how to do it herself.

After about an hour, here is what happened:

It’s time to take off your training wheels, find your balance, and ride free. If you fall off and get hurt, that’s OK.  Just dust yourself off, hop on and try again. Keep at it until you get it right.

As the new semester starts, I hope it is filled with childlike excitement, wonder, and possibilities.

What are your training wheels? How do you know when it’s time to take them off? Do you need a little nudge?

The Pomodoro Technique™ was created by Francesco Cirillo in 1980s after a long search to improve his own study habits. While attending college in Rome, he had a difficult time staying focused and concentrating on his work. He grabbed the familiar kitchen timer in the shape of a tomato (a pomodoro in Italian) and used it to set short term deadlines for himself. Essentially, he would set the timer and work without interruption until it went off.

The Pomodoro Technique™ is deeper than just setting a timer and going to work. The whole purpose is to change your mindset about time and work. It’s not just a silly idea,
but it’s synthesis of concepts proposed by Steve McConnell, Tony Buzan, Hans-George Gademer and Tony Gilb in a variety of areas and disciplines.

It’s built around three basic assumptions:

First, that you will come to see time differently. It’s not the enemy. By changing your view of time from “becoming” (the abstract, dimensional use of time), you eliminate the
anxiety associated with working under a deadline.

Second, that better use of the mind results in a higher level of consciousness, clarity of thought, and more effective learning.

Finally, that using simple tool like a timer reduces the complexity of applying the technique and makes it more effective and efficient.

Of course, there is a website that explains it all. And, while there is a book, you can download it free.

You might think that it would be difficult to apply this in your own office, as it calls for working uninterrupted in 25 minute cycles. There are, however, ways to interrupt and to
keep track of those interruptions. And now — during the Summer when students are fewer and farther between — it might be a useful method of getting through that endless “To-Do” list we all face.