The study identifies four ways in which women create barriers to their own success:

1. Being overly modest.
2. Not asking.
3. Blending in.
4. Remaining silent.

The article indicates that men are more likely to speak about their accomplishments more openly than women. I was speaking with a colleague about seeking promotions and he asked me was I self-promoting within the office. For a moment I had to think about the last time I consciously sought out opportunities to brag about myself. Sometimes I feel I’m so involved at work, how could anyone not realize this level of involvement. However, the article states your boss and colleagues will not know what you are capable of if you do not tell them. But we don’t want to play the martyr, now do we?

I had a supervisor that used to say, “You don’t ask, you don’t get.” The article states that some women are passed up for promotions because they do not ask for the promotion. When we job search we are told to “ask,” for the job, so it makes sense to “ask,” for the promotion. Asking for a raise or promotion will accomplish two things: 1. You will have communicated your interest and intentions the organization; and 2. Their reaction to your request will determine where you stand with the organization. Ah, but we do this for the students; it’s not about the money or the prestige.

According to the article some women would prefer to blend in and remain silent rather than stand out in meetings or at events. Blending in hinders anyone’s chances to leave a positive impression on a supervisor or colleague. I can recall times that I have sat in meetings silent because I thought what I had to contribute was not important, but I also can recall times when I have spoken from experience on a topic and inherited a project and a committee to assist. But why would the Vice President want my opinion about alternative approaches to student programming?

I realize this study grazes the subject of gender roles; women are not characteristically assertive while men are asserting at all times of the day. What are your thoughts on this topic, considering that student affairs is a heavily female-dominated field? Are women deficient when it comes to self-promotion? Do we fail to speak up for a promotion out of fear of judgment?

Carla Finklea Green is a residence hall director at Old Dominion University.

The vision of #SAYR1 is to discuss the key issues facing new professionals in student affairs and provide avenues of support from the last year of graduate school through their third year as a professional. One of the ways we will be doing this is by creating support groups of approximately three individuals who will journey through these first few years together. With the small-sized groups, you will have the benefit of a consistent and tight-knit support system without the nearly impossible task of having to coordinate the schedules of a big group (we’ve all been there!). Groups can communicate in person, through phone calls, e-mails, Google + hangouts, Skype, on Twitter, or however your group decides works best for you! The #SAYR1 Core Team will be providing discussion questions, topics, and resources to get everyone started.

#SAYR1 will provide you with a group of people you can talk to about what’s going on without trying to explain (for the 4,534th time) what it is exactly that you do again. It will give you an avenue to discuss current issues and trends in the field and how they’re impacting your work. With #SAYR1, you will have a network that will support you in trying times, celebrate your successes with you, and continually encourage you to be the best version of you. If this sounds like something you’re interested in, please visit this link and complete the form. You can join a group that’s already been started or start your own. Groups can be by functional area, year, region, or just a pure hodge podge – it’s up to you! Please feel free to contact anyone from the Core Team should you have any questions. We are all excited to get this program started and hope you are too.

#SAYR1 Core Team:

Brian Gallagher (gallagb@gmail.com) Hall Director at Southern Illinois University Carbondale

Karen Schomaker (kschomaker@gmail.com) Coordinator for Community Service at California Lutheran University

Kelley McCarthy (kmccarthy1985@yahoo.com) 2nd Year Graduate Student and Graduate Assistant for Leadership Programs  in the Office of Student Leadership and Civic Engagement at Nova Southeastern University

Melissa L. Brown (melissabrown47@gmail.com) Residence Hall Director for Moore Hall, University of North Carolina School of the Arts

Tricia Cesarino (tr.cesarino@gmail.com) Program Coordinator for Sorority and Fraternity Affairs at the University of Florida

Tracey Walterbusch (twalterbusch@gmail.com) Residential Life Coordinator at Ohio Wesleyan University

Brian Gallagher is a hall director at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.

According to Ryan, the five ways to ensure mediocrity are:

1. “…Make sure your employees know you don’t trust them.” Basically, supervisors hire a competent employee and then micromanage the employee. What’s the point of hiring talented people when you don’t trust them? Once a new professional gets the impression that management does not trust their work, an employee will shut down and give an organization mediocre work.

2. “…don’t tell them when they shine.” Paychecks are great incentive, but some times praise will go a long way to build morale. Lack of praise will also damage morale. Employees want to feel appreciated, valued and empowered. Ryan suggests that lack of praise from supervisors could be because managers fear a request for a raise or promotion. Employees understand that many institutions are feeling the budget crunch, but kindness goes a long way to build loyalty to an organization.

3. “…keep employees in the dark.” How can employees be invested in the organization if they do not have a seat at the table? Ok, ok…if not a seat at the table, employees should at least be regularly informed on new initiatives and programs. I believe employees should be aware of the organization’s mission, goals, and values at all times; this helps provide focus to your work and it becomes more intentional.

4. “If you value docility over ingenuity…” The most precious gift you can give an employee is autonomy and responsibility. Micromanaging could potentially drive a professional with a masters degree slightly insane. Like Ryan, I agree, employees who are treated like children will more than likely seek out an employer who trusts and empowers them and treats a supervisor like a professional with and advanced degree.

5. “If you fear an empowered workforce more than you fear the competition, squash any sign of individualism.” Young whippersnappers beware, don’t rely on your education and experience to challenge the system. Knowledge is power, but not in an organization that prefers mindless minions. In reference to management shaking down it’s employees Ryan states, “They do it by instituting reams of pointless rules, upbraiding people for minuscule infractions and generally replacing trust with fear throughout their organizations.”

I agree with Ryan that poor management will only rappel good employees.  Once managers begin to realize why they are losing solid, competent employees, you may be settling into a new job.

Carla Finklea Green is a residence hall director at Old Dominion University.

In an effort to learn more about compassion and how I can contextualize it within Student Affairs, this summer I read The Lost Art of Compassion: Discovering the Practice of Happiness in the Meeting of Buddhism and Psychology by Lorne Ladner. In the book, Ladner articulates the benefits of compassion as well as how to cultivate a compassionate attitude using Buddhist-inspired meditations. He examines through Western psychology how cultivating compassion is extremely beneficial to both an individual and the community in which they live.

The entire time I was reading the book, I was thinking about ways that actively cultivating compassion could bolster my work in Student Affairs. After all, if one of our profession’s foundational goals is the holistic health and wellbeing of students, I think it’s reasonable to argue that compassion is a necessary component of efficacy. Ideally, we practice compassion when we are helping students understand the impact of their mistakes, when we are teaching them about social justice and identity, and when we are challenging them to become responsible global citizens.

The most competent professionals I have met are those who demonstrate their commitment to students in their compassion for them, even when they behave in ways that are damaging. Yet, so few of us ever name compassion as a professional competency. I think that a lot of us, particularly in the United States, associate the cultivation of compassion as a lofty and spiritual practice. I certainly used to. Since reading about and seriously contemplating compassion, however, I have realized that my best professional moments have come when I have exercised it.

Is compassion an intentional component to your professional practice? If so, in what ways do you practice compassion with your students and your colleagues?

Adam J. Ortiz is a House Director at Hampshire College, Massachusetts

I am what we call a “new professional”. A proud graduate of the HESA program at the University of Vermont, I spent a good deal of the summer catching up with family and friends who, for the last two years, I had just barely kept in touch with. The conversations always start out with congratulations, excitement about my move to start my new job, and then came the inevitable awkward transition: “So…what do you actually do?”

My student affairs colleagues, you all know this question well. We each have been asked this question and struggle to find accurate answers. It seems that no matter how often I answer it, I have never been able to get down an “elevator speech” with which I am satisfied. Sometimes I try to explain what I do completely accurately. This is usually met with more confusion, an underwhelmed response, confusion as to why this required a post-baccalaureate education, or a mix of the above. However, sometimes when I speak to my friends and family, I catch myself relying only upon the horror stories of the job to get across that what I do as a Hall Director/ResLifer is indeed important. The late nights, student deaths, incident confrontations– I am not comfortable with this– I feel as if telling only the incredibly intense stories overshadows the simplistic beauty of the day-to-day work that we do. I wonder if the way I talk about my job –almost with a need for validation in order to impress my audience– is fueled by my internalized classism related to my education level and job.

Somewhere along this summer journey, this video crossed my Facebook mini-feed and reminded me I am not alone in this struggle. It illustrates a situation many of us, particularly the ResLifers, can relate to on some level. How do we talk to parents/guardians of students, our families, and friends about our job and student affairs as a profession? How does the way we talk about our job reflect the actual values of our profession?

When I engage with a parent like in the video above (which I have done to a lesser extent), I realize I am not only acting upon my internalized classism (insisting upon the proper title), but I am also going against my value of meeting people where they are. How important is it to get my title across to the parent if all they really need is the “head RA.” Of course, I am speaking only from my particular identities, and there are plenty of individual reasons for insisting upon getting a title or language correct. I am speaking from my class identity as I struggle to find a response to the eternal question that satisfies me. How do I talk about my job, and what does the way I respond say about me and my lived values?

How do you talk about the work you do? What is important for you to convey to the other party?

Viraj S. Patel is a Hall Director at Georgetown University.

But what does starting off on the right foot mean? While there isn’t a solitary answer to this question, there are some key points to consider when you’re preparing to kick off another year in Student Affairs.

1.  Mental Preparation– It may not be on your to do list, but it’s important to be in the right frame of mind with the start of the school year.  For those employees who are on 10 or 11 month contracts, you’ve got to dust off the sand, shake the water out of your ears and get ready for business.  For those who’ve been working all summer, it’s time to slip out of the doldrums and back to the quick-paced world of the fall semester.  The specific means by which you prepare your mind for the change is a unique and individual experience, but for me it means easing my way back in with brainstorming and positive thinking about what is to come.  Sure, I know I’m going to be insanely busy through August, but if I look at it as an exciting time, it becomes a good stress rather than an overwhelming one.

2.  Organization of Physical Space– You may be moving offices or simply reorganizing the same desk, but either way, it’s important to refresh your work space.  Clear off old materials that you won’t need.  Make sure you have important materials in easy reach and conveniently located to achieve necessary tasks.  Setting aside a work space in the home is also a good idea, since we’re bound to bring work home every now and then.

3. Communication with Staff– Communicating clearly with supervisors, colleagues, and student staff members is an important part of starting off on the right foot.  Expectations should be clearly expressed. And perhaps more importantly, proper welcomes should be extended to begin (or maintain) good rapport and a comfortable working situation.  Which brings me to the last point.

4. Proper Welcomes to Staff and Students– Student staff members are about to go through an intense training and a busy academic year. Returning students need to readjust to campus life. New students need to feel that sense of belonging.  All of these things can be facilitated through a proper welcome.  A proper welcome may include emails or Facebook groups prior to arrival; newsletters and bulletin boards upon arrival, information, small tokens of appreciation, etc. The most important welcome is a smiling face and positive communication.

While those include some very general aspects of starting the year off right, everyone has their own unique methods.  I like to work in themes, creating my training sessions, welcome packets, etc. around it.  And I absolutely insist on a fresh, clean agenda planner to start of the year.

What’s your method for getting the year started off right?

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

This article has been cross-posted at A Patchwork of Student Affairs, a blog of random thoughts on Student Affairs.

There are times that I believe that this song must be the mantra of student affairs staff members.   So often on Twitter or Facebook, in meetings, or at trainings, I hear the phrase “choose your attitude.”

Choose to be positive, not negative.
Choose to look on the bright side, not the dark side.
Choose to be happy (or at least content), not sad.
Choose to be something other than pessimistic.
Look for the unicorns!  Look for the puppies! Look! Choose to see them!  They’re there if you look!
Choose.

Generally, I’m ok with this.

Sometimes, however, I’m not.
Sometimes things are difficult.
Sometimes things are challenging.
Sometimes things are just downright awful, and, sometimes, there is not a happy-go-lucky, cheery, paint-a-smile-on-your-face feeling to be found.

And yet what do I hear?

Choose your attitude.  Or, to put it in FiSH philosophy terms, choose your ’tude.

To me, this is largely disingenuous.   Why, exactly, are we putting on a happy face when things legitimately are not happy?  What service are we providing by pretending to be OK with whatever is going on when we actually need support and the ability to be not happy.

We encourage our students and coworkers to be honest. We discuss authenticity with our colleagues and supervisors.  We have open doors and welcome the opportunity to talk to whomever about whatever whenever.

We should reserve the right to have crappy days and to not be forced to look/feel/act otherwise.

I admit… I can be a proverbial bucket of sunshine at times. I can exude rainbows and look for the silver lining in situations with the best of them. But sometimes things suck, and that’s that.

In my mind, it boils down to this.  I have the right to be upset, angry, annoyed, pessimistic, sad, dejected, or whatever other negative feeling there is.  I have the responsibility, though, to give others a heads up about what they might encounter should they choose to engage me in conversation.  I also have the responsibility, after an appropriate amount of time (dependent on the situation), to move on, get over myself, and revert to my unicorn-loving self.

In the interim, though, let me be.  And let me show a genuine side of life to my students – because if they can see me being productive and tactful even while harboring a less-than-stellar attitude, maybe they, too, can learn to channel negative energy positively.

Matt Pistilli is a post-doctoral research associate/educational technologist for Information Technology at Purdue University.

When you are working closely with students as a Residence Life professional, you’re likely to encounter student accounts of trouble at home, financial struggles, academic pressures, etc.  In fact, you hear about some particular issues so often that you run the risk of becoming desensitized and apathetic, which could render you ineffective in appropriately addressing these issues with students.  But if you are a naturally sensitive individual or sensitive to particular issues, it’s likely that there are some issues that really tug at your heart strings, which can be equally problematic. Because it could otherwise be an entire article in itself, I will assume that with your training and experiences you’re able to address these difficult issues professionally and effectively in the moment.  But once you’ve handled the situation appropriately with the level of concern and engagement demanded of you by the nature of the position, do you then carry those burdens with you?

My heart aches for the students who have to leave the halls and their friends because they can’t afford to pay for their housing anymore.  My blood boils for students who are faced with intolerance on the parts of other students, staff, or faculty.  And my mind is completely boggled by the issues of violence, hatred, and assault that face our students.  While I understand my professional role to intervene where there are violations of policy and to offer a safe place for students to go, I find these challenges to be a bigger issue at the end of the day when it’s time to go home, when I’m no longer bound by the guideline’s of professionalism.

So my question is: After a day, week, month, or semester of actively participating with students and assisting them with their challenges in an engaged way, how do you disengage and leave those burdens, hurts, and headaches behind without becoming callous in your relationships with the students?

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

That’s why this holiday season, I challenge you to put down the work and truly care for thyself. (As I told a stressed colleague this past week, “Work will be there tomorrow.”) Take the time to spend with friends and family or simply to rest and relax by yourself. Here are 50 suggestions for how you can care for thyself this holiday season:

1. Dont check your work emails during your vacation. Turn on your away message, and stick to it!
2. Do the same for work phone messages. Leave emergency forwarding information for other campus personnel that can assist.
3. Disconnect from all social media (ie., Facebook, Twitter, etc.) for one or two days. Social media has an uncanny way of drawing you back into work.
4. Go to the library and check out a book for casual reading you normally wouldn’t get to do.
5. Play a boardgame or card games when visiting friends and family.
6. Go to the mall and get an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. (Cinnamon sugar is so good!)
7. Treat yourself and a friend for a meal and a seasonal craft drink at a local brewpub.
8. Go ice skating (there are rinks in our nation’s warm regions as well).
9. Take a bunch of naps.
10. Watch those guilty pleasure holiday movies on ABC Family.
11. Check out Groupon.com for awesome holiday offers.
12. Go to a spa for a day of personal pampering.
13. Tailgate at your local NFL city even if you don’t have tickets to the game.
14. Call a family member or friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile.
15. Chill out all day watching Netflix movies online or on DVD.
16. Take your laptop to your local free WiFi spot to surf the web for fun.
17. Hang out at the mall and people watch.
18. Get a bunch of friends and family together to go to the movies and a snack afterwards.
19. Check the paper for free local cultural events and opportunities to attend.
20. Get some coloring books and crayons and color with your kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews.
21. Share time looking at old family photos with relatives.
22. Rent an entire season of your favorite TV show and watch all of the episodes back-to-back.
23. Go for a longer run than normal.
24. Take a long car ride to a favorite local place or somewhere brand new to you (explore!)
25. Purchase and put together a holiday puzzle.
26. Try a new flavored coffee you’ve never tried.
27. Attend a local holiday parade.
28. Take friends and family and get photos with Santa.
29. Enjoy some holiday-colored-sprinkled Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
30. Play video games all day with no regret.
31. Attend a local sporting event.
32. Attend a holiday murder mystery dinner.
33. Create a 2010 memory photo book on Shutterfly or Snapfish.
34. Start a personal private journal.
35. Write a personal list (not work-related) of New Year’s Resoultions and share with friends and family.
36. Make New Year’s Eve plans to attend a dinner/dance/concert/comedian and mingle with people you do not know.
37. Plan and begin a new exercise routine.
38. Sign up for and attend a Zumba class.
39. Spend a day watching funny and entertaining videos on YouTube.
40. Take a train or bus trip to the city.
41. Invite a friend to go along with you to spend your holiday gift cards.
42. Test drive a brand new car you would like to buy.
43. Get a group of friends or relatives together and drive to see a large holiday light display.
44. Try cooking a new recipe and share a meal with a friend.
45. Bundle up with a loved-one and drink hot chocolate on the porch (if in colder climates)
46. Attend local “First Night” festivities on New Year’s Eve with friends and family.
47. Write a letter with pen and paper to someone special and mail it.
48. Spend extra time with your hobby (e.g., cooking, crafting, geneaology, scrapbooking, etc.)
49. Buy a fresh holiday flower arrangement or plant to enjoy in your home.
50. Indulge in something you have been denying yourself (e.g., goodies & treats, personal leisure time, etc.)

What are some other ways you’ll spend enjoying your holiday?

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.