Scripted Reality: what’s really real?

March 6th, 2012 | Posted by The SA Team in Resident Life | Work/Life Balance - (2 Comments)

This past year has been an amazing year for me. I moved into a wonderful new position at Temple University as their Assistant Director for Staff Selection, Recruitment and Development. With this new job, my family moved off campus for the first time in 18 years, and after six months purchased a home. It’s been very surreal this transition. There’s a lot that goes in to moving off campus and adjusting to a different community setting. There is no 24 hour lightning and alarm system in place. There are no noises, or running through the halls (though my kids do make as much noise as college students). And there are no students to randomly knock on your door at 2am. I’m in bed by 10pm every night — not what I’m used after 18 years of a 1am bed time. I am now up at 5am to work out and catch the train into Philly for work. This doesn’t compare to living in, when you can roll out of bed, get kids to school, work out, shower, and then get to your office (located right outside the door) by 9am. O, how I miss that life! It’s a surreal life this ‘normal life’ that the rest of the world lives. These thoughts are what I wrote to HGTV HouseHunters last year when I applied for the show. I had a great story, living in the halls for 18 years, getting a new job, two kids, etc.

The producers loved our personalities and the story, so we got on the show!  But what you see on TV is not how the process really works. I won’t give away all the secrets of the show, but the filming is not done while you’re house hunting, and the top three really are not the three the HouseHunters want. The process took over a year and when I watch the show now, I can’t believe how well it came out. The experience behind the scenes completely disappears as you watch the show, and your reality and memories adjust as you buy into what you see.

The lessons I learned from doing HouseHunters, moving off campus, and ‘becoming a grown up’ have taught me that everything is scripted reality. Things are not always what you thought they were. You make mistakes, and you try to fix them. You try to get the best, and adjust if you get something less, while putting on an appearance that that’s exactly what you wanted in the first place. You think ‘when I get that next job, it’s going to be like this’, or ‘when I move off campus, life is going to be so easy’. You are the designer of your reality, and the script is influenced by how you view your situation. You let others see what you want them to see, and you buy into your own perspectives.
I loved my old life, and I love my new life. And both are examples of my reality.

Licinia “Lulu” Barrueco Kaliher is the Assistant Director for Staff Selection, Recruitment, and Development at Temple University.

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Slicing Your Work-Life Pie

February 20th, 2012 | Posted by Karen Gibson in Work/Life Balance - (8 Comments)

Student Affairs professionals like to talk about work-life balance. It seems elusive to so many. We present on it to packed rooms at conferences, in the office we set goals around it, we have Twitter chats exploring the topic, and many of us might say that we are constantly in search of the ever elusive magical balance or forever balancing on a tightrope.  Is it possible, though, to change how you perceive the balance of your life in order to stop searching and plant both feet solidly on the ground? Perhaps your life is in balance, it just doesn’t look like the balance you thought it might when you started in the profession. Maybe it doesn’t look like the balance your colleague demonstrates. Perchance, it is uncool to claim that your life is in balance when it seems everyone else is saying theirs is not.

Once, I was in a workshop where we were asked to draw slices of our lives inside a pie circle. As I drew my life, it occurred to me that I was not drawing even pie slices. I didn’t even want to draw balanced slices of my life on my worksheet pie. There are aspects of my life that take up more time and energy than others, which is exactly how I want it to be. Truthfully, I’m even okay with work taking up a larger slice of pie than some of my non-work slices. Work is where I have the opportunity to put my StrengthsQuest strengths to work in a way I am not currently afforded elsewhere. I enjoy my colleagues, my university, and the work we do. At work I have the opportunity to build relationships, to take advantage of professional development opportunities, and even to take care of my fitness needs. I also noticed that I put all aspects of my job-life into one pie slice, but everything outside of work was divided into more detailed slices which might contribute to life feeling like, or life looking out of balance for some. I wondered if I reassigned labels or grouped areas differently how my pie might slice. When we shared our pie pictures with the group, my pie was in balance for me, but it didn’t resemble the pies of those around me. This was a good reminder for me that balance for one doesn’t equal balance for all.

Although I’m fine with work taking up a larger pie slice, this does not mean that I abandon my non-work slices. I am committed to my volunteer work, my social life, my hobbies, and the base level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It ebbs and flows in a rhythm that fits for my life. It doesn’t look at all like the rhythm of my colleagues who may come in on the weekends or take work home or be working on a doctorate. But because it fits my life, it is balance for me. I think that sometimes we can get caught up in wanting others to demonstrate the kind of balance in their lives that we live out in our own. Because I wouldn’t come in to the office on the weekend, I’m confused by and a little judgmental of someone who would (if not required). But if it fits within the balance of their life, who am I to tell them their life is out of balance? I believe we are better served as a profession in supporting our colleagues in how they decide to slice their pie, rather than forcing them to slice it differently.

If you are going through the job search process right now, I encourage you to be mindful of how you prefer to slice your pie compared to any expectations your new supervisor may have for your time. It is better to have these conversations in the interview process rather than after your first day. A few questions you may want to ask are:
-          What are expectations for checking email/texts/voicemails while out of the office?
-          Does the university support mental health or comp days?
-          What professional development opportunities are available to me here?
-          How flexible are my work hours?
What other questions should job searchers ask in order to be prepared to meet the expectations of their supervisor and institution around work-life balance?

I believe we can move past judging others when their balance looks differently than ours which, in turn, will provide our colleagues the freedom to do balance as it best fits for their lives. As a Student Affairs professional, how can you encourage and support other professionals to claim the balance of their life, even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s pie? What does your pie look like? I’d love to hear other people claim balance in their lives!

 

Karen Gibson is an associate director of residence life at St. Edward’s University, Austin, Texas.

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TuesTally: Counting Sheep

February 7th, 2012 | Posted by The SA Team in #sachat | Poll | Work/Life Balance - (1 Comments)


Women…Be More Assertive?!?!?!

November 7th, 2011 | Posted by The SA Team in Campus Issues | Careers | Diversity | Social Networks | University | Work/Life Balance - (9 Comments)

I recently read an article in the Harvard Business Review and was curious to gain some much needed advice on how to advance in the workplace. The Ambition and Gender at Work study conducted by Europe’s Institute of Leadership & Management concluded women have lower confidence in the workplace compared to their male coworkers. The study also indicated women in management positions are more likely to doubt their performance and are hesitant to seek out promotions.

The study identifies four ways in which women create barriers to their own success:

1. Being overly modest.
2. Not asking.
3. Blending in.
4. Remaining silent.

The article indicates that men are more likely to speak about their accomplishments more openly than women. I was speaking with a colleague about seeking promotions and he asked me was I self-promoting within the office. For a moment I had to think about the last time I consciously sought out opportunities to brag about myself. Sometimes I feel I’m so involved at work, how could anyone not realize this level of involvement. However, the article states your boss and colleagues will not know what you are capable of if you do not tell them. But we don’t want to play the martyr, now do we?

I had a supervisor that used to say, “You don’t ask, you don’t get.” The article states that some women are passed up for promotions because they do not ask for the promotion. When we job search we are told to “ask,” for the job, so it makes sense to “ask,” for the promotion. Asking for a raise or promotion will accomplish two things: 1. You will have communicated your interest and intentions the organization; and 2. Their reaction to your request will determine where you stand with the organization. Ah, but we do this for the students; it’s not about the money or the prestige.

According to the article some women would prefer to blend in and remain silent rather than stand out in meetings or at events. Blending in hinders anyone’s chances to leave a positive impression on a supervisor or colleague. I can recall times that I have sat in meetings silent because I thought what I had to contribute was not important, but I also can recall times when I have spoken from experience on a topic and inherited a project and a committee to assist. But why would the Vice President want my opinion about alternative approaches to student programming?

I realize this study grazes the subject of gender roles; women are not characteristically assertive while men are asserting at all times of the day. What are your thoughts on this topic, considering that student affairs is a heavily female-dominated field? Are women deficient when it comes to self-promotion? Do we fail to speak up for a promotion out of fear of judgment?

 

Carla Finklea Green is a residence hall director at Old Dominion University.

Introducing #SAYR1

September 27th, 2011 | Posted by Brian Gallagher in Announcements | Careers | Collaborative Learning | Creativity | Leadership Training | Professional Organizations | Social Networks | University | Work/Life Balance - (19 Comments)

What started as a question from Kelley McCarthy on Twitter asking if anyone would be interested in participating in her #52in52 project turned into a conversation about a lack of resources for new student affairs professionals. Student affairs graduate students have the support of their cohort, professors in their program, mentors through personal connections and programs like #saGROW, and special initiatives coordinated by professional associations. New professionals, though, are at a key transition point in their life and do not have a centralized support system. Our solution? #SAYR1 (Student Affairs Year One)!

The vision of #SAYR1 is to discuss the key issues facing new professionals in student affairs and provide avenues of support from the last year of graduate school through their third year as a professional. One of the ways we will be doing this is by creating support groups of approximately three individuals who will journey through these first few years together. With the small-sized groups, you will have the benefit of a consistent and tight-knit support system without the nearly impossible task of having to coordinate the schedules of a big group (we’ve all been there!). Groups can communicate in person, through phone calls, e-mails, Google + hangouts, Skype, on Twitter, or however your group decides works best for you! The #SAYR1 Core Team will be providing discussion questions, topics, and resources to get everyone started.

#SAYR1 will provide you with a group of people you can talk to about what’s going on without trying to explain (for the 4,534th time) what it is exactly that you do again. It will give you an avenue to discuss current issues and trends in the field and how they’re impacting your work. With #SAYR1, you will have a network that will support you in trying times, celebrate your successes with you, and continually encourage you to be the best version of you. If this sounds like something you’re interested in, please visit this link and complete the form. You can join a group that’s already been started or start your own. Groups can be by functional area, year, region, or just a pure hodge podge – it’s up to you! Please feel free to contact anyone from the Core Team should you have any questions. We are all excited to get this program started and hope you are too.

#SAYR1 Core Team:

Brian Gallagher (gallagb@gmail.com) Hall Director at Southern Illinois University Carbondale

Karen Schomaker (kschomaker@gmail.com) Coordinator for Community Service at California Lutheran University

Kelley McCarthy (kmccarthy1985@yahoo.com) 2nd Year Graduate Student and Graduate Assistant for Leadership Programs  in the Office of Student Leadership and Civic Engagement at Nova Southeastern University

Melissa L. Brown (melissabrown47@gmail.com) Residence Hall Director for Moore Hall, University of North Carolina School of the Arts

Tricia Cesarino (tr.cesarino@gmail.com) Program Coordinator for Sorority and Fraternity Affairs at the University of Florida

Tracey Walterbusch (twalterbusch@gmail.com) Residential Life Coordinator at Ohio Wesleyan University

Brian Gallagher is a hall director at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.

A Word about Mediocrity

August 24th, 2011 | Posted by The SA Team in Careers | Tidbits | Work/Life Balance - (1 Comments)

I recently re-read an article from Bloomberg Businessweek, Five Ways to Ensure Mediocrity in Your Organization, by Liz Ryan. This article resonates with me every time I read it because the article focuses on some supervisor’s disregard for their employees. This disregard can create a revolving door of turnover within an organization. Student Affairs is a great career that will prove a worthwhile experience for many; however, it’s important as a new professional to be workplace savvy and trust your instincts.

According to Ryan, the five ways to ensure mediocrity are:

1. “…Make sure your employees know you don’t trust them.” Basically, supervisors hire a competent employee and then micromanage the employee. What’s the point of hiring talented people when you don’t trust them? Once a new professional gets the impression that management does not trust their work, an employee will shut down and give an organization mediocre work.

2. “…don’t tell them when they shine.” Paychecks are great incentive, but some times praise will go a long way to build morale. Lack of praise will also damage morale. Employees want to feel appreciated, valued and empowered. Ryan suggests that lack of praise from supervisors could be because managers fear a request for a raise or promotion. Employees understand that many institutions are feeling the budget crunch, but kindness goes a long way to build loyalty to an organization.

3. “…keep employees in the dark.” How can employees be invested in the organization if they do not have a seat at the table? Ok, ok…if not a seat at the table, employees should at least be regularly informed on new initiatives and programs. I believe employees should be aware of the organization’s mission, goals, and values at all times; this helps provide focus to your work and it becomes more intentional.

4. “If you value docility over ingenuity…” The most precious gift you can give an employee is autonomy and responsibility. Micromanaging could potentially drive a professional with a masters degree slightly insane. Like Ryan, I agree, employees who are treated like children will more than likely seek out an employer who trusts and empowers them and treats a supervisor like a professional with and advanced degree.

5. “If you fear an empowered workforce more than you fear the competition, squash any sign of individualism.” Young whippersnappers beware, don’t rely on your education and experience to challenge the system. Knowledge is power, but not in an organization that prefers mindless minions. In reference to management shaking down it’s employees Ryan states, “They do it by instituting reams of pointless rules, upbraiding people for minuscule infractions and generally replacing trust with fear throughout their organizations.”

I agree with Ryan that poor management will only rappel good employees.  Once managers begin to realize why they are losing solid, competent employees, you may be settling into a new job.

 

Carla Finklea Green is a residence hall director at Old Dominion University.

Cultivating Compassion in Our Practice

August 8th, 2011 | Posted by Adam Ortiz in Books | Campus Issues | Collaborative Learning | Creativity | Diversity | Leadership Training | Work/Life Balance - (4 Comments)

Last spring, my supervisor and I had a conversation about Student Affairs and Buddhism. I mentioned to her that, as someone with an interest in Buddhist philosophy, I would like to begin thinking about ways to intentionally incorporate my broad personal belief in compassion into my professional practice. My supervisor noted that she had never had a supervisee mention this aspiration to her before, but that I should pursue it.

In an effort to learn more about compassion and how I can contextualize it within Student Affairs, this summer I read The Lost Art of Compassion: Discovering the Practice of Happiness in the Meeting of Buddhism and Psychology by Lorne Ladner. In the book, Ladner articulates the benefits of compassion as well as how to cultivate a compassionate attitude using Buddhist-inspired meditations. He examines through Western psychology how cultivating compassion is extremely beneficial to both an individual and the community in which they live.

The entire time I was reading the book, I was thinking about ways that actively cultivating compassion could bolster my work in Student Affairs. After all, if one of our profession’s foundational goals is the holistic health and wellbeing of students, I think it’s reasonable to argue that compassion is a necessary component of efficacy. Ideally, we practice compassion when we are helping students understand the impact of their mistakes, when we are teaching them about social justice and identity, and when we are challenging them to become responsible global citizens.

The most competent professionals I have met are those who demonstrate their commitment to students in their compassion for them, even when they behave in ways that are damaging. Yet, so few of us ever name compassion as a professional competency. I think that a lot of us, particularly in the United States, associate the cultivation of compassion as a lofty and spiritual practice. I certainly used to. Since reading about and seriously contemplating compassion, however, I have realized that my best professional moments have come when I have exercised it.

Is compassion an intentional component to your professional practice? If so, in what ways do you practice compassion with your students and your colleagues?

Adam J. Ortiz is a House Director at Hampshire College, Massachusetts

How We Talk About Our Jobs (And What Does It Say About Us?)

July 29th, 2011 | Posted by Viraj Patel in Diversity | Resident Life | Work/Life Balance - (6 Comments)

I am what we call a “new professional”. A proud graduate of the HESA program at the University of Vermont, I spent a good deal of the summer catching up with family and friends who, for the last two years, I had just barely kept in touch with. The conversations always start out with congratulations, excitement about my move to start my new job, and then came the inevitable awkward transition: “So…what do you actually do?”

My student affairs colleagues, you all know this question well. We each have been asked this question and struggle to find accurate answers. It seems that no matter how often I answer it, I have never been able to get down an “elevator speech” with which I am satisfied. Sometimes I try to explain what I do completely accurately. This is usually met with more confusion, an underwhelmed response, confusion as to why this required a post-baccalaureate education, or a mix of the above. However, sometimes when I speak to my friends and family, I catch myself relying only upon the horror stories of the job to get across that what I do as a Hall Director/ResLifer is indeed important. The late nights, student deaths, incident confrontations– I am not comfortable with this– I feel as if telling only the incredibly intense stories overshadows the simplistic beauty of the day-to-day work that we do. I wonder if the way I talk about my job –almost with a need for validation in order to impress my audience– is fueled by my internalized classism related to my education level and job.

Somewhere along this summer journey, this video crossed my Facebook mini-feed and reminded me I am not alone in this struggle. It illustrates a situation many of us, particularly the ResLifers, can relate to on some level. How do we talk to parents/guardians of students, our families, and friends about our job and student affairs as a profession? How does the way we talk about our job reflect the actual values of our profession?

When I engage with a parent like in the video above (which I have done to a lesser extent), I realize I am not only acting upon my internalized classism (insisting upon the proper title), but I am also going against my value of meeting people where they are. How important is it to get my title across to the parent if all they really need is the “head RA.” Of course, I am speaking only from my particular identities, and there are plenty of individual reasons for insisting upon getting a title or language correct. I am speaking from my class identity as I struggle to find a response to the eternal question that satisfies me. How do I talk about my job, and what does the way I respond say about me and my lived values?

How do you talk about the work you do? What is important for you to convey to the other party?

Viraj S. Patel is a Hall Director at Georgetown University.

Starting Off on the Right Foot

July 25th, 2011 | Posted by Devon Purington in Freshman | Orientation | Resident Life | Work/Life Balance - (5 Comments)

I would imagine that most in the Student Affairs field look at the beginning of each academic year as the chance to start fresh.  There’s always a new group of fresh faces venturing onto campus, the grounds are well-tended and looking sharp, the bookstore is overflowing with supplies, and opening day ceremonies offer inspiration for a great new year.  For some, like myself, there may be other changes that make the beginning of this academic year particularly fresh and perhaps that much more important when it comes to making sure it starts off on the right foot, whether it be a new position, new institution, new focus, etc.

But what does starting off on the right foot mean? While there isn’t a solitary answer to this question, there are some key points to consider when you’re preparing to kick off another year in Student Affairs.

1.  Mental Preparation– It may not be on your to do list, but it’s important to be in the right frame of mind with the start of the school year.  For those employees who are on 10 or 11 month contracts, you’ve got to dust off the sand, shake the water out of your ears and get ready for business.  For those who’ve been working all summer, it’s time to slip out of the doldrums and back to the quick-paced world of the fall semester.  The specific means by which you prepare your mind for the change is a unique and individual experience, but for me it means easing my way back in with brainstorming and positive thinking about what is to come.  Sure, I know I’m going to be insanely busy through August, but if I look at it as an exciting time, it becomes a good stress rather than an overwhelming one.

2.  Organization of Physical Space– You may be moving offices or simply reorganizing the same desk, but either way, it’s important to refresh your work space.  Clear off old materials that you won’t need.  Make sure you have important materials in easy reach and conveniently located to achieve necessary tasks.  Setting aside a work space in the home is also a good idea, since we’re bound to bring work home every now and then.

3. Communication with Staff– Communicating clearly with supervisors, colleagues, and student staff members is an important part of starting off on the right foot.  Expectations should be clearly expressed. And perhaps more importantly, proper welcomes should be extended to begin (or maintain) good rapport and a comfortable working situation.  Which brings me to the last point.

4. Proper Welcomes to Staff and Students– Student staff members are about to go through an intense training and a busy academic year. Returning students need to readjust to campus life. New students need to feel that sense of belonging.  All of these things can be facilitated through a proper welcome.  A proper welcome may include emails or Facebook groups prior to arrival; newsletters and bulletin boards upon arrival, information, small tokens of appreciation, etc. The most important welcome is a smiling face and positive communication.

While those include some very general aspects of starting the year off right, everyone has their own unique methods.  I like to work in themes, creating my training sessions, welcome packets, etc. around it.  And I absolutely insist on a fresh, clean agenda planner to start of the year.

What’s your method for getting the year started off right?

 

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

This article has been cross-posted at A Patchwork of Student Affairs, a blog of random thoughts on Student Affairs.

Sometimes It’s Not About the Roses

May 3rd, 2011 | Posted by Matt Pistilli in Careers | Work/Life Balance - (15 Comments)

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere…

There are times that I believe that this song must be the mantra of student affairs staff members.   So often on Twitter or Facebook, in meetings, or at trainings, I hear the phrase “choose your attitude.”

Choose to be positive, not negative.
Choose to look on the bright side, not the dark side.
Choose to be happy (or at least content), not sad.
Choose to be something other than pessimistic.
Look for the unicorns!  Look for the puppies! Look! Choose to see them!  They’re there if you look!
Choose.

Generally, I’m ok with this.

Sometimes, however, I’m not.
Sometimes things are difficult.
Sometimes things are challenging.
Sometimes things are just downright awful, and, sometimes, there is not a happy-go-lucky, cheery, paint-a-smile-on-your-face feeling to be found.

And yet what do I hear?

Choose your attitude.  Or, to put it in FiSH philosophy terms, choose your ’tude.

To me, this is largely disingenuous.   Why, exactly, are we putting on a happy face when things legitimately are not happy?  What service are we providing by pretending to be OK with whatever is going on when we actually need support and the ability to be not happy.

We encourage our students and coworkers to be honest. We discuss authenticity with our colleagues and supervisors.  We have open doors and welcome the opportunity to talk to whomever about whatever whenever.

We should reserve the right to have crappy days and to not be forced to look/feel/act otherwise.

I admit… I can be a proverbial bucket of sunshine at times. I can exude rainbows and look for the silver lining in situations with the best of them. But sometimes things suck, and that’s that.

In my mind, it boils down to this.  I have the right to be upset, angry, annoyed, pessimistic, sad, dejected, or whatever other negative feeling there is.  I have the responsibility, though, to give others a heads up about what they might encounter should they choose to engage me in conversation.  I also have the responsibility, after an appropriate amount of time (dependent on the situation), to move on, get over myself, and revert to my unicorn-loving self.

In the interim, though, let me be.  And let me show a genuine side of life to my students – because if they can see me being productive and tactful even while harboring a less-than-stellar attitude, maybe they, too, can learn to channel negative energy positively.

Matt Pistilli is a post-doctoral research associate/educational technologist for Information Technology at Purdue University.

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