Resident Life

Devon
Original post
Resident Life — 2 Comments
30
Nov 11

Dealing with Disillusion

I’d venture to say it is common to feel the sense of disillusionment at least once in your life. The feeling may be brought on by the realization that your parents don’t really know it all. Or perhaps it’s the sudden epiphany that you’ve been spending years and oodles of money on a major that won’t get you the career you want. Maybe you just entered the work force or changed positions and you’ve discovered it isn’t what you’d expected. Or perhaps you are faced with a disillusionment that shakes you to the very core, as the recent scandal at Penn State has done for so many staff, faculty, students, alumni, fans and friends.

No one plans to be disillusioned; that would be contradictory to the term itself. Thus, it’s hard for one to be prepared for when it happens. It’s nearly impossible to educate our students to anticipate the unforeseeable, so our favored proactive approach fails us here. What, then, can we do when our students’ faith in themselves, or in someone else, has been shattered?

For starters, it’s probably a good idea to analyze the way you’ve handled your own experiences with disillusionment and look for the bright spots. Find the positive ways you’ve moved forward so that you can share those moments and suggestions with your students. But don’t deny the dark spots; students need to know they’re not alone in those negative, heart-breaking moments when their world seems to be spinning out of control.

In analyzing my own experiences with disillusionment and consulting a few sources to support that personal conclusion, I offer the following:

  1. Give yourself time to mourn.  Disillusionment can bring a great sense of loss, and it’s important to give yourself time to acknowledge and feel that realization.  But in allowing yourself to mourn, don’t forget to commit to moving forward; you don’t want to linger in the mourning period too long.
  2. Sort through your feelings and identify the problem(s).  Why is it exactly that you’re feeling disillusioned? What were your expectations and how were they let down? Were your expectations too high? Was there a moment or situation that led to failure?
  3. Get the facts straight.  While understanding your feelings and processing are extremely important, it’s also important to be rational and take time to research reality.
  4. Brainstorm and research solutions.  Before you can begin to move forward, you need to research your options and possible solutions.  This may protect you from further disillusionment in the future.
  5. Recognize the opportunity and choose to grow.  We have the choice to drown in our pool of disillusionment or allow it to reflect and develop or strongest values.  From that decision, we have the opportunity to confront the problems that caused our disillusionment or prune the dead branches and blossom in a completely new direction.  Either way, the opportunity exists for us to glean something amazing from what was once a moment of dark, barren emptiness.

Perhaps these notes will help you the next time you find yourself disillusioned, whether it be within Student Affairs or another aspect of life.  Better yet, perhaps the next time a completely disillusioned, disenchanted student wanders into your office, you’ll be able to offer peace of mind and encouragement as a guide through the tangled web of emotion to the door of possibility.  Those moments that seem completely shattering often serve to build, strengthen, and develop a strong value system; what appears to destroy may just be the impetus for creation and solidification.

Have you found yourself counseling students in the wake of scandal or amidst their own personal angst? What methods have worked for you in guiding students through disillusionment? Or if you have been fortunate enough to not yet have an experience like this, what skills do you anticipate using in the future should a student in crisis walk through your office door?

Check out Perspectives on Loss: A Sourcebook and The Ability to Mourn: Disillusionment and the Social Origin of Psychoanalysis for resources to address disillusionment.

 

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

Karen
Original post
Resident Life — 4 Comments
16
Aug 11

Learning About Facilities Management: Maintenance, Keys, Assignments, Oh My!

As someone whose experience is primarily in resident education, this summer I have learned how important it can be to take the time to learn what happens in the facilities side of the house.  It can be easy to think that you don’t have the time to learn someone else’s job, but, just like anything else, if you break it down into smaller tasks, it will be easier to find the time. Finding the time when the facilities person is available to help you understand their area will save you time in the long run if you find yourself in a situation where the facilities staff member is out of the office for an extended period and you have to fill in the gaps.  Here are a few of my suggestions on how to get started on your resident education – facilities cross training.

  1. Build relationships with the Physical Plant staff. I did have an edge because I knew many of these staff members since I was a hall director at this institution. If you don’t have that advantage, you are going to have to be tactical and deliberate about getting to know the locksmith, the building maintenance supervisor, the custodial supervisor, and the administrator in the office who is your equivalent (office manager, associate, assistant or director –the person you will be calling directly when you need to make something happen).  These folks will be instrumental in helping you accomplish what you need as well as knowing what the history is for certain types of situations.
  2. Learn the master key box. We have a master key box that houses our RA duty key sets, office keys, RD keys, and a whole slew of other keys that I am still learning. Ask the person in charge of the box to teach you his/her organization system within the box. If you do not already know, ask them to show you how the keys are numbered and tracked. Find out how the sign-out system works. Inquire after any peculiarities that currently only make sense to the person in charge of the box. Don’t wait until there is nobody to ask.
  3. Learn the intricacies of whatever housing management system your office uses. You may not need it that often if your resident education job description does not require it. But there may come a day when you are faced with having to look up a student’s booking and accompanying correspondence to verify their claim of being given two different summer housing assignments. You do not want your first day in the housing management system to be in front of that student. Ask for tutorials from your facilities person so that you can navigate in the system with confidence.
  4. Ask your facilities person what parts of their job they believe nobody knows they do or what parts go unnoticed/unappreciated. These will be the parts of the job that catch your office off- guard if this person is out for an extended period of time. Everyone will be thankful if you can say, “we need to remember to refelt the pool tables” or “we need to steam clean the common area furniture before opening” or whatever else may fall into the unnoticed category.

Certainly, these items can and should take place over the span of several months rather than crammed into two weeks before your facilities person is about to be out of the office for an extended period of time. Your retention and time management will be much better if you have time to plan out when and how you will tackle each of these items as well as anything else that pops up along the way. By taking the time in smaller bits throughout the year, when you know you have some downtime or a free afternoon, you can make the time to become better aware of what happens in the facilities side of the house.

If you are a facilities staff member, what else would you suggest that we take the time to learn? What other general tips on cross training do we have to best support our offices and colleagues?

Karen Gibson is an associate director of residence life at St. Edward’s University, Austin, Texas.

Viraj
Original post
Diversity / Resident Life / Work/Life Balance — 6 Comments
29
Jul 11

How We Talk About Our Jobs (And What Does It Say About Us?)

I am what we call a “new professional”. A proud graduate of the HESA program at the University of Vermont, I spent a good deal of the summer catching up with family and friends who, for the last two years, I had just barely kept in touch with. The conversations always start out with congratulations, excitement about my move to start my new job, and then came the inevitable awkward transition: “So…what do you actually do?”

My student affairs colleagues, you all know this question well. We each have been asked this question and struggle to find accurate answers. It seems that no matter how often I answer it, I have never been able to get down an “elevator speech” with which I am satisfied. Sometimes I try to explain what I do completely accurately. This is usually met with more confusion, an underwhelmed response, confusion as to why this required a post-baccalaureate education, or a mix of the above. However, sometimes when I speak to my friends and family, I catch myself relying only upon the horror stories of the job to get across that what I do as a Hall Director/ResLifer is indeed important. The late nights, student deaths, incident confrontations– I am not comfortable with this– I feel as if telling only the incredibly intense stories overshadows the simplistic beauty of the day-to-day work that we do. I wonder if the way I talk about my job –almost with a need for validation in order to impress my audience– is fueled by my internalized classism related to my education level and job.

Somewhere along this summer journey, this video crossed my Facebook mini-feed and reminded me I am not alone in this struggle. It illustrates a situation many of us, particularly the ResLifers, can relate to on some level. How do we talk to parents/guardians of students, our families, and friends about our job and student affairs as a profession? How does the way we talk about our job reflect the actual values of our profession?

When I engage with a parent like in the video above (which I have done to a lesser extent), I realize I am not only acting upon my internalized classism (insisting upon the proper title), but I am also going against my value of meeting people where they are. How important is it to get my title across to the parent if all they really need is the “head RA.” Of course, I am speaking only from my particular identities, and there are plenty of individual reasons for insisting upon getting a title or language correct. I am speaking from my class identity as I struggle to find a response to the eternal question that satisfies me. How do I talk about my job, and what does the way I respond say about me and my lived values?

How do you talk about the work you do? What is important for you to convey to the other party?

Viraj S. Patel is a Hall Director at Georgetown University.

Devon
Original post
Freshman / Orientation / Resident Life / Work/Life Balance — 5 Comments
25
Jul 11

Starting Off on the Right Foot

I would imagine that most in the Student Affairs field look at the beginning of each academic year as the chance to start fresh.  There’s always a new group of fresh faces venturing onto campus, the grounds are well-tended and looking sharp, the bookstore is overflowing with supplies, and opening day ceremonies offer inspiration for a great new year.  For some, like myself, there may be other changes that make the beginning of this academic year particularly fresh and perhaps that much more important when it comes to making sure it starts off on the right foot, whether it be a new position, new institution, new focus, etc.

But what does starting off on the right foot mean? While there isn’t a solitary answer to this question, there are some key points to consider when you’re preparing to kick off another year in Student Affairs.

1.  Mental Preparation– It may not be on your to do list, but it’s important to be in the right frame of mind with the start of the school year.  For those employees who are on 10 or 11 month contracts, you’ve got to dust off the sand, shake the water out of your ears and get ready for business.  For those who’ve been working all summer, it’s time to slip out of the doldrums and back to the quick-paced world of the fall semester.  The specific means by which you prepare your mind for the change is a unique and individual experience, but for me it means easing my way back in with brainstorming and positive thinking about what is to come.  Sure, I know I’m going to be insanely busy through August, but if I look at it as an exciting time, it becomes a good stress rather than an overwhelming one.

2.  Organization of Physical Space– You may be moving offices or simply reorganizing the same desk, but either way, it’s important to refresh your work space.  Clear off old materials that you won’t need.  Make sure you have important materials in easy reach and conveniently located to achieve necessary tasks.  Setting aside a work space in the home is also a good idea, since we’re bound to bring work home every now and then.

3. Communication with Staff– Communicating clearly with supervisors, colleagues, and student staff members is an important part of starting off on the right foot.  Expectations should be clearly expressed. And perhaps more importantly, proper welcomes should be extended to begin (or maintain) good rapport and a comfortable working situation.  Which brings me to the last point.

4. Proper Welcomes to Staff and Students– Student staff members are about to go through an intense training and a busy academic year. Returning students need to readjust to campus life. New students need to feel that sense of belonging.  All of these things can be facilitated through a proper welcome.  A proper welcome may include emails or Facebook groups prior to arrival; newsletters and bulletin boards upon arrival, information, small tokens of appreciation, etc. The most important welcome is a smiling face and positive communication.

While those include some very general aspects of starting the year off right, everyone has their own unique methods.  I like to work in themes, creating my training sessions, welcome packets, etc. around it.  And I absolutely insist on a fresh, clean agenda planner to start of the year.

What’s your method for getting the year started off right?

 

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

This article has been cross-posted at A Patchwork of Student Affairs, a blog of random thoughts on Student Affairs.

Tyler
Original post
Campus Issues / Collaborative Learning / Creativity / Diversity / First-Year Experience / Freshman / Games / Leadership Training / Low Cost Programming / Resident Life / University — No Comments
18
Jul 11

Build This House: An activity for discussing first-generation students with student leaders

Explaining the experience of first-generation college students is a task that many of us quickly deflect if at all possible. Just because a subject can be classified as “well, every situation is so different” does not mean that we cannot try. A few years back, a hall director I worked for needed me to come up with a first-generation college student (FGCS) program for her resident assistant staff. After some thought, I came up with the following, relatively quick program:

Materials needed:

Two (or more) sheets of paper

Pencils (preferably the stencil pencil kind)

Or use a whiteboard/chalkboard

(Groups should be 5 or less/group)

Preparation:

1. Design two like house outlines (basic blueprints with basic room options)

2. On back of each, list:

Rooms needed:

Kitchen

Bathroom

Living room

Master bedroom

Spare bedroom

Upstairs bathroom (shared between the two bedrooms)

Appliances needed:

Oven, fridge, sink, pantry, island, counters, cupboards, dishwasher

Sofa, couch, TV, coffee table, plants (x3)

Soap and towels

Bed, armoire (x2), treasure chest, nightstand (x2)

Repeat for spare bedroom (add a desk)

Rules:

Designate 2 “parents”

Divide group into (two) equal halves

Parent 1 = you know the ins-and-outs of home building. Feel free to help with all aspects of the basic design. Give pointers but allow for choices!

Parent 2 = you try to help with basic design but have no prior experience. Accidentally, you give the group bad advice and misguided direction. Five minutes into the activity, you get frustrated and leave.

Allow for 15-20 minutes for groups to finalize their houses.

Once completed, ask the following questions (plus your own):

  1. How did the “parents” help/hurt?
  2. What were the difficult decisions?
  3. Why did you place/label each room where/what?
  4. What are the differences between groups?
  5. How does this relate to first generation college students?
    1. Parents who can help/ parents who are inexperienced
    2. Some decisions are made without understanding
    3. Communication between student-home is stressed
    4. Transitioning as a freshman becomes immediately more difficult
    5. Does FGCS correlate with low socio-economic status (SES)*?

Treat this as a basic start to get the discussion/training session started. The point of the project is to metaphorically show students that matriculating through a successful college career is similar to building an efficient house— it helps to have an experienced architect. However, it takes student leaders and student affairs professionals to make sure that each student who does not have an experienced parental architect is aware of the plethora of resources offered by their university.

Remember, first-generation college students (FGCS) and students of low socioeconomic status (SES) are not necessarily correlated and should be understood as separate but equally important variables when further understanding our student populations.

Tyler Martin recently completed his M.Ed. in Higher Education and is seeking a position in Student Affairs.

Jon
Original post
Campus Issues / Creativity / Resident Life — 5 Comments
30
Mar 11

Making a Difference Takes More Than Great Ideas

How many times have you sat in a meeting where hundreds of great ideas are tossed around, but in the end, not much happens? In his book Making Ideas Happen, Scott Belsky repeats the adage that creativity (or productivity, progress in our projects, and growth in relationships) is 2% inspiration and 98% perspiration.

He examines this idea through a simple formula: Creativity x Action = Impact.

So someone who is incredibly creative (a perfect 100) but doesn’t translate those ideas into action has very little impact. (100 x 0 = 0)

But someone who’s marginally creative (a 50) and even marginally moves those projects forward (a 50 again!) can have an exponentially greater impact. (50 x 50 = 2,500!)

This has powerful implications for higher ed, where thinkers thrive and “vague-agendaed” meetings can creep up from every corner. We can have all the ideas in the world, but if we can’t move them into reality, we miss the point. Moving ideas to action takes practice. It takes systems. It takes a willingness to fail. In fact, we can count on some things failing.

In the ResLife world that changes how we look at events, projects, and even tactics for growing RAs. Try things. See what succeeds. Move forward and learn.

We need to go through quicker learning cycles, moving ideas to action.

One quick, incredibly simple example. I put together a “lessons from last year’s RAs” booklet this year – by emailing the RAs at the end of the year and requesting feedback. We just needed enough to fill it out. Is it perfect? No. But it’s much better than what we had before – nothing. And in the end, it was a useful, helpful piece that carried more credibility than some of our training sessions because it was from RAs to RAs.

What about you? How have you seen a bias toward action make a difference on campus? Where can it be more challenging?

Jon Sampson is a Program Coordinator and Residence Director at Azusa Pacific University.

Devon
Original post
Resident Life / Work/Life Balance — 6 Comments
16
Mar 11

Walking the Line: Surviving Sympathy and Avoiding Apathy when Engaging with Students

As a Student Affairs professional, we’re trained to develop a rapport with our students, to go beyond student ID numbers, case files, and isolated conversations to engage more meaningfully with the students.  We’re encouraged to look at students as individuals, rather than a mere part of the greater student body so that we can best meet their needs.  Many of us would likely admit to being innately altruistic individuals who are naturally drawn to a position that enables us to help students reach holistic measurements of development and success in the world of higher education.   But with all of the advocacy for developing all these connections with our students, are we opening ourselves up to taking on their hurts?

When you are working closely with students as a Residence Life professional, you’re likely to encounter student accounts of trouble at home, financial struggles, academic pressures, etc.  In fact, you hear about some particular issues so often that you run the risk of becoming desensitized and apathetic, which could render you ineffective in appropriately addressing these issues with students.  But if you are a naturally sensitive individual or sensitive to particular issues, it’s likely that there are some issues that really tug at your heart strings, which can be equally problematic. Because it could otherwise be an entire article in itself, I will assume that with your training and experiences you’re able to address these difficult issues professionally and effectively in the moment.  But once you’ve handled the situation appropriately with the level of concern and engagement demanded of you by the nature of the position, do you then carry those burdens with you?

My heart aches for the students who have to leave the halls and their friends because they can’t afford to pay for their housing anymore.  My blood boils for students who are faced with intolerance on the parts of other students, staff, or faculty.  And my mind is completely boggled by the issues of violence, hatred, and assault that face our students.  While I understand my professional role to intervene where there are violations of policy and to offer a safe place for students to go, I find these challenges to be a bigger issue at the end of the day when it’s time to go home, when I’m no longer bound by the guideline’s of professionalism.

So my question is: After a day, week, month, or semester of actively participating with students and assisting them with their challenges in an engaged way, how do you disengage and leave those burdens, hurts, and headaches behind without becoming callous in your relationships with the students?

Devon Purington is a Residence Life Coordinator at Penn State University-Hazleton.

Scott
Original post
Campus Issues / Careers / Resident Life / University — 7 Comments
6
Dec 10

Debunking the Myths of Privatized Housing

In my office on the upper campus of a university in a not-so-far-away galaxy, I have a Darth Vader action figure sitting on top of my bookshelf (still in the packaging of course!) My current supervisor gave this to me in December 2005 as a “tongue-in-cheek” welcome for making the transition from working on-campus to now working for a national, ”for-profit” student housing development and management company. Please understand the context: I was a full-time, unionized area coordinator at a public university for five years suddenly making the leap to the proverbial Residence Life equivalent of the “Dark Side.”  And yes, I was one of those folks holding the flag rallying with my colleagues to prevent these Stormtroopers from outsourcing our jobs and changing the Force of good student affairs practices!

Five years later, and having been promoted to another university location with a larger student community, I now have a different, and potentially more objective, perspective. Having a total of 18 years of experience  in all sectors of higher education across the country, I’d like to invite you to “walk a mile in my shoes” as I debunk 5 myths about privatized student housing.

MYTH #1: Privatized housing doesn’t care about students. This was one of my biggest concerns regarding the private management of student housing. What I came to find out is that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only do they care, but are always looking to improve their housing communities to meet the ever-growing demands of student and their parents. I wouldn’t be working for and with people who didn’t truly care about students. Additionally, I am confident in saying that the company I work for is especially concerned about student safety and security and does its best to maintain an environment that’s conducive for student learning. I can’t though, however, say the same for local negligent landlords that seem to be rife in every campus town’s community. Plus I’m given the freedom to create practically any residence life programming initiatives that I want in order to better serve my students.    

MYTH #2: Privatized housing is only looking to make a buck. While every company (and university) has to worry about the bottom line, it is possible to create profits while also expanding and maintaining a great product and great service. And nowadays, students and parents especially vote with their feet! If they aren’t getting the most out of their campus and / or housing experience, they’ll simply pick up and leave. And while we want to provide a comfortable living environment with worthwhile amenities, we still care about their well-being and personal development. This is a win-win for everyone!      

MYTH #3: Privatized housing is looking to take jobs. When I came to personally know the executives of my company, I found that they weren’t sitting in a small dimly lit room rubbing their hands together and twirling their moustaches conspiring to take jobs away from student affairs professionals. In actuality, they are actually trying to expand the field to include new people. (I am a living example of that!) Is it true that on-campus personnel could have managed a newly constructed, off-campus university-affiliated housing community thereby not creating a new job within the housing department? Of course. But with the leaps and bounds colleges and universities (particularly public ones) have to go through now to get any new housing constructed given the economy is nothing short of a miracle so they all but have to use this option (and may be required to use outside management due to financial-related requirements). And in many cases, campus personnel do indeed continue to manage their housing that is renovated or newly constructedby a third-party vendor.

MYTH #4: Privatized housing personnel are not qualified. I’m the same guy that I was when I on the university payroll, and now have even been able to expand my skill set and professional experience. To be honest, the reason why I left is because there wasn’t an opportunity to be able to supervise full-time professional staffers and manage and develop large department/division-sized budgets. I’m proud to say that I have that skill set under my belt now. I have many colleagues in the privatized housing arena who are higher education and student affairs experts with degrees in college student personnel, counseling education, and higher education administration. They also actively participate in ACPA and NASPA activities and are well in-tune with the latest news and national trends regarding student housing and development.  

MYTH #5: Once you go to the Dark Side, you don’t come back! Philosophically, for me, there is no dark side. The campus I serve has embraced me as one of their own: I attend department and division meetings, collaborate with faculty and staff on living-learning opportunities, help to train campus community advisors & student leaders, and am a general resource for the campus. So while the Darth Vader on my bookshelf was a token of a light-hearted joke, I use it as a symbol to remember to stay true to my profession, create bridges for student development opportunities, and serve as a role model for innovative and research-based student affairs practices no matter who I work for.  

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing with Allen & O’Hara Education Services, Inc. at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.

 

Stacy
Original post
Resident Life — 7 Comments
29
Sep 10

Unexpected Homecomings

Over the weekend, I met a former co-worker for coffee and lunch in the city where we used to work together. We unwittingly planned our afternoon reunion for the same weekend as the university’s homecoming celebration. After catching up over coffee, we decided to venture to campus to see a few colleagues who still work at the university.

Parking in front of the residence hall where I used to live as a hall director, I smiled to myself thinking of the years I spent on campus. It was an excellent first professional “home” – a small university that was both supportive and challenging. There were seemingly endless opportunities to get involved across campus. My supervisors were developmental and caring while also nudging me a bit to get a more rounded experience.

After walking across campus past the new union (I was there for its construction but never while it was in operation), I stood talking to former co-workers and watching the alumni mill through the tent. Some polkaed to the live music while others sat and talked to their friends from decades past. With almost no warning, I was swooped into hugs by a group of women who were some of my first residents in 2004. We chatted briefly, catching up and reminiscing about our time in the all-female residence hall. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, I was greeted by a few more former students – several with hugs – and all with smiles and brief conversation about where we’re living, what we’re doing now.

While driving home later, I realized a significant part of the university’s being a good first professional home was the students. Not just who they were – though I did work with some high-achieving, intelligent and talented students – but also based on their willingness and ability to let me be more than “the lady who lives on the first floor.” I’m glad that years later I’m still connected with many of them through Facebook, e-mails, text messages and the occasional get together. Those students early in my career shaped how I interact with students now.

What stands out to you about your professional “home”? How do those qualities continue to influence your work?

Scott
Original post
Campus Issues / Leadership Training / Resident Life — 70 Comments
7
Sep 10

Eight Strategies for Communicating with Challenging Parents

Over the past few years I have had more interactions with increasingly aggressive and challenging parents than in previous years. Most of my student affairs colleagues across the country have shared similar experiences like this along with their frustrations. Although a lot has been written about the recent helicopter parent phenomena, I have not seen much on how student life professionals can and should handle parents such as this. As the new academic year starts, I would like to offer some practical advice on how you can better communicate with challenging parents.

1. Seek understanding before taking action. Many times parents can “catastrophize” situations because they are hearing secondhand information from their son or daughter, which may not necessarily be fully accurate. Reacting to a parent’s reaction without fully understanding the situation at hand can create chaos and further bolster the parent’s anxiety (and your own). If necessary, take extra time to find out the facts and then simply call the parent back. The problem could be a simple misunderstanding that can be easily resolved.

2. Explain the reasoning behind policies and procedures. Nothing can be more irritating than hearing someone tell you, “Well, that’s our policy” when you want something resolved right away. Fully understand the reasoning behind why your department has the policies and procedures that it does so that you yourself can explain the philosophy behind why things are the way they are. Policies and procedures are created to save time, money, resources, to enhance safety & security, and for the personal development and education of our students. Explaining these things can disarm someone particularly when the reasoning behind these policies are usually easily understood and appreciated.

3. Predict and respond to irrational thinking / reasoning. Many times, the emotion underlying anger is fear. People can become angry and aggressive when they fear that something overly negative or disasterous will happen. Parents can easily assume the worst of a situation particularly when they are not around to easily solve whatever the perceived problem may be. Irrational thoughts that an overreactive parent can have include the following: this is going to cost me a lot of money; my student will have to transfer universities because of this; this is an incredibly dangerous situation; and they don’t care about my student. You can dissolve a problem quickly if you can predict up front what the underlying thoughts a parent may have, which is causing them to be overly anxious. By providing accurate information and tactfully challenging those irrational thoughts, you can calm someone down quickly.

4. Move the conversation along toward action. Your time is important and you have other issues to attend to so make sure that you are moving the conversation along toward some sort of resolve. Be respectful and tactful, but cut to the chase as soon as possible. One easy way to do this is by asking: “Sir, how would you like me to resolve this?” or “What would you like me to do, mame?” Being empathetic and allowing someone to vent is one thing, but permitting someone to lecture and berate you is counterproductive.

5. Provide alternatives and options. Another way in which you can move the conversation along toward action is to provide alternatives and options. Figure out what these options are for various situations so that you can pull them out of your hat when the need calls. The alternatives and options may not necessarily be the exact solution the parent is asking for, but at least you’re showing a good faith effort to create a solution rather than doing nothing at all.

6. Do not allow yourself or your employees to be abused or bullied. I simply refuse to listen to an abusive parent or allow my staff to suffer the same abuse. You have to know when to say when. It is alright to acknowledge that things are getting out of hand and maybe there is a more appropriate time to discuss the matter when clearer heads can prevail. I have had multiple parents apologize on subsequent conversations for how they acted and appreciated how I resolved the situation afterward.

7. Refer to your supervisor. This should go without saying, but if you find yourself in a situation that you simply cannot resolve or the person is being overly hostile or foul-mouthed, refer them to your supervisor. Additionally, if they should demand to speak to your supervisor, do not become upset by this, just help them with their request by giving the appropriate contact information. Try to plan for this strategy ahead of time with your supervisor so that you are both on the same page when the need arises to employ this tactic.

8. Attempt to get to know them as people rather than adversaries. Keep in mind that you may have a multiple year relationship with many parents so be purposeful in your communications with them. Include them in newsletters and other pertinent mailings. Send them departmental or institutional promotional items (e.g., t-shirts, pens, mugs, etc.) as a token of your appreciation, kindness, and generocity. If you have the opportunity to talk in a personal manner, ask them about their work, their interests, and anything else of note they may discuss. Establishing relationships like this creates trust and will go a long way if you have to interact with them again in a difficult situation.

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.

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