Build This House: An activity for discussing first-generation students with student leaders

July 18th, 2011 | Posted by Tyler Martin in Campus Issues | Collaborative Learning | Creativity | Diversity | First-Year Experience | Freshman | Games | Leadership Training | Low Cost Programming | Resident Life | University - (0 Comments)

Explaining the experience of first-generation college students is a task that many of us quickly deflect if at all possible. Just because a subject can be classified as “well, every situation is so different” does not mean that we cannot try. A few years back, a hall director I worked for needed me to come up with a first-generation college student (FGCS) program for her resident assistant staff. After some thought, I came up with the following, relatively quick program:

Materials needed:

Two (or more) sheets of paper

Pencils (preferably the stencil pencil kind)

Or use a whiteboard/chalkboard

(Groups should be 5 or less/group)

Preparation:

1. Design two like house outlines (basic blueprints with basic room options)

2. On back of each, list:

Rooms needed:

Kitchen

Bathroom

Living room

Master bedroom

Spare bedroom

Upstairs bathroom (shared between the two bedrooms)

Appliances needed:

Oven, fridge, sink, pantry, island, counters, cupboards, dishwasher

Sofa, couch, TV, coffee table, plants (x3)

Soap and towels

Bed, armoire (x2), treasure chest, nightstand (x2)

Repeat for spare bedroom (add a desk)

Rules:

Designate 2 “parents”

Divide group into (two) equal halves

Parent 1 = you know the ins-and-outs of home building. Feel free to help with all aspects of the basic design. Give pointers but allow for choices!

Parent 2 = you try to help with basic design but have no prior experience. Accidentally, you give the group bad advice and misguided direction. Five minutes into the activity, you get frustrated and leave.

Allow for 15-20 minutes for groups to finalize their houses.

Once completed, ask the following questions (plus your own):

  1. How did the “parents” help/hurt?
  2. What were the difficult decisions?
  3. Why did you place/label each room where/what?
  4. What are the differences between groups?
  5. How does this relate to first generation college students?
    1. Parents who can help/ parents who are inexperienced
    2. Some decisions are made without understanding
    3. Communication between student-home is stressed
    4. Transitioning as a freshman becomes immediately more difficult
    5. Does FGCS correlate with low socio-economic status (SES)*?

Treat this as a basic start to get the discussion/training session started. The point of the project is to metaphorically show students that matriculating through a successful college career is similar to building an efficient house— it helps to have an experienced architect. However, it takes student leaders and student affairs professionals to make sure that each student who does not have an experienced parental architect is aware of the plethora of resources offered by their university.

Remember, first-generation college students (FGCS) and students of low socioeconomic status (SES) are not necessarily correlated and should be understood as separate but equally important variables when further understanding our student populations.

Tyler Martin recently completed his M.Ed. in Higher Education and is seeking a position in Student Affairs.

Toots Away: Salvaging the American Education System

June 30th, 2011 | Posted by Tyler Martin in Campus Issues | Collaborative Learning | Creativity | Leadership Training | University - (5 Comments)

Whether you saw it on Fox8 Cleveland or YouTube last fall, or more recently/likely on Tosh.0, the story about the sixth grader who received a one-hour detention for “passing gas” is true. This article is not to debate slapstick humor versus highbrow entertainment nor is it to discuss the (un)-importance of having/learning “class.” No. This article is to raise awareness to the real problem: our failed education system.

While we in the U.S. confuse young children about natural, bodily functions by not just hushing the “embarrassing” ones— but now disciplining those who childishly defy or outright do not accept mainstream mores— countries such as India, Thailand, China, and Sweden are not simply excelling in academics, but quickly monopolizing the world’s future movers-and-shakers. Take a look at this detailed report by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD).

According to OECD’s latest tri-annual Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), the United States education system ranked 14th out of 34 in reading skills, 17th for science, and 25th for mathematics. Dare I ask what your reaction would be if your child— who has open access to the best of the world’s resources— came home with a 58% in language arts, a 50% in science, and a 26% in mathematics? I venture to assume that your reaction would include a long parent-to-child talk, a parent-to-teacher conference, and inquiring assistance from the professionals at the Sylvan Learning Center.

All right. So what does farting/tooting/passing gas/etc., on a bus have to do with salvaging our failed education system? A lot. Without me going into a complete tirade about revamping the concept of honest adult roles and responsibility courses in grades 6-12, I will leave that for another time and skip to this basic truth: instead of the world’s foremost bright, inclusive, inventive, and progressive nations, we have sidewinder’ed our culture into the trammels of inanity and shame (whatever that is, precisely).

While you watch FOX/CNN/PBS/MSNBC/AJE, etc, tonight, take note of how many stories (and their cumulative time spent) are fixated on fatuous topics: kids farting on busses, a sad woman who has injured her children, a congressman’s sexting pics; and then compare that to the amount of time American media spends discussing how we as a nation are actively seeking means of succeeding in solving our country’s and our world’s largest problems: Diabetes, Rx-addictions, Asthma, Racism, Cancer, Homelessness, Alzheimer’s, HIV/AIDS, Spina bifida, Ethnic “Cleansings,” Anti-Semitism, Homophobia etc. Unless you are a strict PBS or Anderson Cooper (CNN needs to expand with more Coopers, Guptas, Zakariases, etc.) fan, chances are there is a distinctive gap in your findings.

Now that we honestly recognize the problem and its severity, we must now immediately begin to work on salvage and reclaim. Think FDR’s New Deal. And as the Alphabet Soup of FDR’s New Deal inspired reconstruction of a failed economy, an overhaul of our current SES-restrictive, test-driven and anti-scientific education system would reconstruct a failed education system. But how would we replace our failed system? How about through the same philosophy professed by The Statue of Liberty: Freedom. Huh? Stick with me here:

As rational, educated beings, we can all easily agree that our nation was initially founded on the simple concepts of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness— all of which The Statue of Liberty represents, right? Or have we forgotten so soon that She is a beacon of America’s adoration for collective, innovative ingenuity between Free nations, demanding the world to give Her its “tired, [its] poor/[Its] huddled masses yearning to breathe Free?” If we have, click the hyperlink in this paragraph.

So again, how do we fix the American education system? Easy: we return to our original philosophy as a people. We abandon our silly, failed conventional intelligence bench-markers (brainless book-regurgitation tests, academic anxiety-sparking pop-quizzes, and pre-established, assigned group projects) and replace them with innovative, collaborative, self-driven and student-to-teacher-to-student lead projects respective to a given subject’s academic field.

And please— America— please let us finally embrace science! It is time that we drop our animosities towards science and make our children scientists. We rely on scientists for vanity (hair color, Rogaine), health (disease-prevention, vitamin-infused beverages), finances (try and tell the FED that economics is not a science) and almost any/everything else we use daily. Obviously, it is time that we give the scientific method our unadulterated respect and no longer exploit its power for profit and veil it in irrational suspicion.

It is as simple as that folks. Still do not believe me? Ask yourself: “when do I learn best?” I will gamble that it is one of— if not a combination of— you being in your own little geek-out world, exploring websites— or talking to direct sources in a quasi-Socratic conversation— or when you are diving into a good book— or possibly expressing an idea or newly learned concept through artistic means? Maybe it is when you are exercising in the morning or during the monotony of your morning wake-up routine? Regardless of what your unique learning scene is, or how you tap into it, you know that it has bred your favorite and most powerful learning experiences.

Why are we not harnessing this basic understanding and injecting its wisdom into our educational system? If we really want to become the world’s hope again— if we really want to be the leading nation in solving what ails us— we need to make this easy, 100% logical plan an immediate reality.

In student affairs, we pride ourselves as a freethinking, innovative field on a blazing quest of establishing the most efficient and positive learning environments, correct? Then it is time we collaborate with our faculty friends and try tooting new horns— and stop fartin’ around.

Tyler Martin recently completed his M.Ed. in Higher Education and is seeking a position in Student Affairs.

Dealing with change within Student Affairs

June 14th, 2011 | Posted by Brian Gallagher in Campus Issues | Tidbits | University - (13 Comments)

If you count the years that I was an undergraduate student, this June is the fifth June that I’ve been in a Student Affairs environment that has dealt with change.  This is also the fifth time I’ve been able to observe those around me handle (or not handle) the change.  I almost wish I could do a quick survey of professionals to find out which departments/divisions/institutions are not changing something about what they do between now and the fall.  Although, the assessment person in me would cringe at the thought of not changing — thus, not improving at least something!

Typically, what I’m referring to here might be staffing structures changing, new professionals coming in, professionals moving on from a certain institution, offices moving, offices merging, programs ceasing to exist, programs expanding, new policies. This is the change we’re talking about here.

I’m not as surprised when our students, student leaders, or student staff are concerned by the upheaval — this is part of the developmental stages they are going through as undergraduates (see any number of excellent published developmental theorists).  At my current institution, we have just hired a new director of my department and a new vice chancellor for student life.  In my (expert) opinion, both are great hires.  All of the pro-staff know that the exiting professionals are going (or have gone) to excellent positions – moving themselves ahead in outstanding opportunities.  However, from the perspective of someone who is not on the division listserv (namely an undergraduate student) they might not know or understand that whole process.

Last year, at this time our department was saying goodbye to an assistant director, filling her position with a new hire, and we did a restructure to add a new full time position.  All of the undergraduate staff members were confused and very anxious about who would be their supervisor.  What really blew my mind, however, was how some of the Graduate student staff members (yes, my peers) were dealing with these changes.  Lines like “Oh my gosh! What are we going to do without our current Assistant. Director???!?”  There were lots of little freak out moments.

It just amazes me how some professionals handle this change very well while others are completely baffled and overwhelmed.  I agree and can completely empathize that often change might lead to someone losing their job or a job change for the negative.  Perhaps my perspective on this will change next year when I’m a professional staff member.

For now, however, I see change as a good thing.  Rarely is it what I predicted.  I’m usually the one who asks “why” and wants to really understand what we’re doing.  But, even when I disagree with the change, I’m usually willing to roll with it or at least give it a try.

In interviews we ask candidates “How do you deal with change?”  Is this a good question to ask?

How do you see those around you dealing with change?   How do you handle change?  How might you handle change better or differently?

Brian Gallagher is a graduate assistant in Residence Life at Indiana University–Purdue University Indianapolis.

Truly Leading: Lessons In Leadership

May 10th, 2011 | Posted by Del Suggs in Announcements | Books | Campus Issues | Club/Org Recruitment | Leadership Training - (8 Comments)

Truly Leading:  Lessons in Leadership was released on May 2, and I’m really proud to announce it here at the SABlog site.  This book was written over the past three or four years, and several of the 21-chapters actually began as postings to this blog.
Truly Leading coverI wrote it as primer for campus leaders.  It covers both basic and more advanced leadership skills, and the chapter titles lay it out.  “Leading With Integrity,” “Effective Time Management,” “The Art of Delegation,” “Setting Organizational Goals,” and “Conflict Resolution”  are good examples of the basic skills required to lead.

But Truly Leading goes beyond the basics, and addresses those skills that more advanced leaders need.  “How to Inspire Others,” “Being a Better Leader,” “The Power of Ceremony” and “More Effective  Meetings” are aimed at lifting an emerging leader into greater success.

I’ve also included chapters on some very important foundational needs, such as creating a mission statement and some advanced concepts in recruitment.  Organizational training needs are addressed in chapters covering both planning and training retreats, along with presenting a full-blown campus leadership conference.

Truly Leading:  Lessons in Leadership is chock full of leadership tips, suggestions, and guidance.  It is brisk reading, written in a style that reflects the my personal experiences as a life-long leader.

If you’d like a copy, it’s available directly from my website store, or you can purchase it from Amazon.com.  It’s also available as an eBook from the Kindle Store.  It should be available at the Apple bookstore and Barnes & Nobles.com in a couple of weeks.

Thanks for letting me announce this here.  Okay, Fellow Contributors:   it’s time for you to write your new book!

Lessons from Snooki?

April 6th, 2011 | Posted by Cindy Kane in Campus Issues | Contracts and Riders - (29 Comments)

I read the discussion around Rutgers University’s decision to bring Snooki on campus with great interest based on my programming roles with our Student Government Association’s lecture series.  For those who may not have heard about the discussion, it compares the latest two high profile speakers brought to campus and how much they are being paid for their speaking engagements.  Toni Morrison is being paid to speak at Commencement for $30K and Snooki is being paid $32K for a speaking engagement sponsored by the Rutgers College Programming Association.  I’m not really interested in the comparison conversation, as I’m sure that the processes that brought both women to their campus are pretty disconnected. (and yes, that’s a whole other post!)  However, there are some other great conversations connected to this and it’s easy to imagine that this could easily happen to any one of us who works with students who are in a position to make programming decisions.

What typically happens when your students are interested in something that gives you “pause?”  My first step is always to ask questions. “So, what kind of image will this portray of your organization and its’ priorities?” or “Look back at your goals you set for the year, does this fit?”  I’m really lucky that in 9 times out of 10 there is at least one of my students in the room that might stop and think and at very least have a critical dialogue with their peers about the potential concerns.

But then, what happens if the idea is still alive?

If you use my six year old’s kindergarten class’ rule of thumb, you only act drastically under conditions of “D and D” (damage and destruction). I apply this to the “advisor veto” as well.  When I see students going down a road that will lead to damage and destruction, I would definitely step in and tell them that whatever choice they are about to make just isn’t going to happen.  This would be in cases of risk management, policy violation, or other forms of impending doom.  The level of “intrusive” advising definitely increases depending on the funding source.

I want to send a serious kudos to the Rutgers administration for not canceling this event. I’m confident that emails are flying and lots of hindsight and reflection happening and I’ll bet those discussions are challenging. By letting this event happen, they affirmed the students’ ability to make decisions and I’m confident they are now supporting those students through the consequences of their choices as their story goes more public.

There are other ways we can reflect on our business practices in working with entertainers, speakers and agencies after this debate:

  • When you put students in decision making roles, do you really mean it? Do they have full reign over choices or are there limits and how does funding source play in? Have you ever had the conversation with the “powers that be” about what would happen if you were in Rutgers’ situation?
  • Is the issue here really about paying Snooki too much or paying Toni Morrison not enough? What is your definition of a “fair price” for a lecture or comedy show when you get into that realm of compensation?
  • If you were the Vice President for Student Affairs and the critique was flowing about programming decisions made by your student programming board, how would you respond? How do you respond to your President and how do you respond to your students?

I’m grateful for the chance to discuss this with my students and also grateful to the Rutgers administrators for standing behind their students and the good work they have done to date.  I hope we can use this experience to highlight the scope of roles our leaders of programming groups on campus take. I’m also hoping that the RUPA student leaders will get some credit for the large responsibility they shoulder for the campus and won’t lose momentum or commitment after all of this controversy.

I would have never thought I’d learn anything from Snooki, but from her presence at Rutgers I hope we learn things that will help our student leaders learn even more.

…but I’m still not watching “Jersey Shore.”

 

Making a Difference Takes More Than Great Ideas

March 30th, 2011 | Posted by Jon Sampson in Campus Issues | Creativity | Resident Life - (5 Comments)

How many times have you sat in a meeting where hundreds of great ideas are tossed around, but in the end, not much happens? In his book Making Ideas Happen, Scott Belsky repeats the adage that creativity (or productivity, progress in our projects, and growth in relationships) is 2% inspiration and 98% perspiration.

He examines this idea through a simple formula: Creativity x Action = Impact.

So someone who is incredibly creative (a perfect 100) but doesn’t translate those ideas into action has very little impact. (100 x 0 = 0)

But someone who’s marginally creative (a 50) and even marginally moves those projects forward (a 50 again!) can have an exponentially greater impact. (50 x 50 = 2,500!)

This has powerful implications for higher ed, where thinkers thrive and “vague-agendaed” meetings can creep up from every corner. We can have all the ideas in the world, but if we can’t move them into reality, we miss the point. Moving ideas to action takes practice. It takes systems. It takes a willingness to fail. In fact, we can count on some things failing.

In the ResLife world that changes how we look at events, projects, and even tactics for growing RAs. Try things. See what succeeds. Move forward and learn.

We need to go through quicker learning cycles, moving ideas to action.

One quick, incredibly simple example. I put together a “lessons from last year’s RAs” booklet this year – by emailing the RAs at the end of the year and requesting feedback. We just needed enough to fill it out. Is it perfect? No. But it’s much better than what we had before – nothing. And in the end, it was a useful, helpful piece that carried more credibility than some of our training sessions because it was from RAs to RAs.

What about you? How have you seen a bias toward action make a difference on campus? Where can it be more challenging?

Jon Sampson is a Program Coordinator and Residence Director at Azusa Pacific University.

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Debunking the Myths of Privatized Housing

December 6th, 2010 | Posted by Scott Helfrich in Campus Issues | Careers | Resident Life | University - (7 Comments)

In my office on the upper campus of a university in a not-so-far-away galaxy, I have a Darth Vader action figure sitting on top of my bookshelf (still in the packaging of course!) My current supervisor gave this to me in December 2005 as a “tongue-in-cheek” welcome for making the transition from working on-campus to now working for a national, ”for-profit” student housing development and management company. Please understand the context: I was a full-time, unionized area coordinator at a public university for five years suddenly making the leap to the proverbial Residence Life equivalent of the “Dark Side.”  And yes, I was one of those folks holding the flag rallying with my colleagues to prevent these Stormtroopers from outsourcing our jobs and changing the Force of good student affairs practices!

Five years later, and having been promoted to another university location with a larger student community, I now have a different, and potentially more objective, perspective. Having a total of 18 years of experience  in all sectors of higher education across the country, I’d like to invite you to “walk a mile in my shoes” as I debunk 5 myths about privatized student housing.

MYTH #1: Privatized housing doesn’t care about students. This was one of my biggest concerns regarding the private management of student housing. What I came to find out is that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only do they care, but are always looking to improve their housing communities to meet the ever-growing demands of student and their parents. I wouldn’t be working for and with people who didn’t truly care about students. Additionally, I am confident in saying that the company I work for is especially concerned about student safety and security and does its best to maintain an environment that’s conducive for student learning. I can’t though, however, say the same for local negligent landlords that seem to be rife in every campus town’s community. Plus I’m given the freedom to create practically any residence life programming initiatives that I want in order to better serve my students.    

MYTH #2: Privatized housing is only looking to make a buck. While every company (and university) has to worry about the bottom line, it is possible to create profits while also expanding and maintaining a great product and great service. And nowadays, students and parents especially vote with their feet! If they aren’t getting the most out of their campus and / or housing experience, they’ll simply pick up and leave. And while we want to provide a comfortable living environment with worthwhile amenities, we still care about their well-being and personal development. This is a win-win for everyone!      

MYTH #3: Privatized housing is looking to take jobs. When I came to personally know the executives of my company, I found that they weren’t sitting in a small dimly lit room rubbing their hands together and twirling their moustaches conspiring to take jobs away from student affairs professionals. In actuality, they are actually trying to expand the field to include new people. (I am a living example of that!) Is it true that on-campus personnel could have managed a newly constructed, off-campus university-affiliated housing community thereby not creating a new job within the housing department? Of course. But with the leaps and bounds colleges and universities (particularly public ones) have to go through now to get any new housing constructed given the economy is nothing short of a miracle so they all but have to use this option (and may be required to use outside management due to financial-related requirements). And in many cases, campus personnel do indeed continue to manage their housing that is renovated or newly constructedby a third-party vendor.

MYTH #4: Privatized housing personnel are not qualified. I’m the same guy that I was when I on the university payroll, and now have even been able to expand my skill set and professional experience. To be honest, the reason why I left is because there wasn’t an opportunity to be able to supervise full-time professional staffers and manage and develop large department/division-sized budgets. I’m proud to say that I have that skill set under my belt now. I have many colleagues in the privatized housing arena who are higher education and student affairs experts with degrees in college student personnel, counseling education, and higher education administration. They also actively participate in ACPA and NASPA activities and are well in-tune with the latest news and national trends regarding student housing and development.  

MYTH #5: Once you go to the Dark Side, you don’t come back! Philosophically, for me, there is no dark side. The campus I serve has embraced me as one of their own: I attend department and division meetings, collaborate with faculty and staff on living-learning opportunities, help to train campus community advisors & student leaders, and am a general resource for the campus. So while the Darth Vader on my bookshelf was a token of a light-hearted joke, I use it as a symbol to remember to stay true to my profession, create bridges for student development opportunities, and serve as a role model for innovative and research-based student affairs practices no matter who I work for.  

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing with Allen & O’Hara Education Services, Inc. at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.

 

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Blog Reflections: Student Leader Development

September 20th, 2010 | Posted by Cindy Kane in Budgets | Campus Issues | Club/Org Recruitment | Collaborative Learning | Conferences | Creativity | Leadership Training | Low Cost Programming | Online Tools | Orientation | Professional Organizations | Technology and Programming | Uncategorized | University | Web/Tech - (0 Comments)

I always hope for that perfect storm of aligned experiences when sending a small group of organization representatives to a conference.  In my mind, the students will be empowered with questions and ideas to pursue upon the return home; their energy ignites a new sense of motivation in their group; and they begin to pursue their new definition of the future.

Sound great?

Hasn’t happened for me yet, either.

Sure, our students had some great presentations and excellent experiences but nearly always my student groups struggle to accurately communicate the true picture of what they experienced.  They struggle to not use too many “inside jokes” when describing their time at the conference and nearly always ended up engaged in a conversation about “why can’t we send more people next year?”  Given that our travel funds are not likely to increase anytime in the near future, we needed a new plan.

So, my insanely talented staff member (that’s you, Matt!) says, let’s try blogging.

Our office now requires any students traveling to conferences sponsored by our department to blog each day while they are there.  We create a blogging site for the group’s travels and make each of them the authors. I love the fact that those of us not attending the conference can keep track of their experiences and that we can comment and have dialogue while they are there. We also send the site around to our student affairs colleagues and division leadership so that they can get some insight into student experiences.

This has enabled us to document these travel experiences and now see, in writing, what we already knew about the impact of spending time with other students who are similarly committed to common goals.  As one of our student orientation coordinators posted, “I don’t think I ever got completely used to everyone actually understanding ‘Orientation Speak’ and being able to have in-depth conversations about different aspects of their programs.”

The use of blogs has enabled our students to do more active reflection on these conference experiences and has allowed us to use the sites to help other students understand what the experience might be like the next time around. We get pretty active commentary from participants about what they like and don’t like about the conferences and, when warranted, our structured reflection topics allow for some time for them to pause during a busy conference and make meaning of this experience that the university has offered to them.

For our department, we reported themes communicated in these blogs as part of our annual report in hope of illustrating the impact that off-campus professional travel has on our student leaders.  Themes of increased pride in our university, increased confidence in their own leadership efficacy, and enhanced sense of community with other student leaders certainly made this student affairs professional proud.

If you’d like to take a look at one of them, here’s a link to the blog from our delegates at the National Greek Leadership Association conference in Hartford, CT this year.

http://bscgreeksgotongla.blogspot.com/

And just for fun…check out the Wordle the blog for our Student Orientation Coordinators’ trip to the regional NODA Conference (at the top of this post) and the Wordle for our Program Committee’s travels to the NACA regional conference (2) pasted below.  Looks to me like they had a good experience…and had some fun along the way!

So, how do you facilitate reflection when your students travel? Any interested in blogging?  If you are, let’s correspond and if our students attend the same conferences we can cross-promote their sites!

Eight Strategies for Communicating with Challenging Parents

September 7th, 2010 | Posted by Scott Helfrich in Campus Issues | Leadership Training | Resident Life - (0 Comments)

Over the past few years I have had more interactions with increasingly aggressive and challenging parents than in previous years. Most of my student affairs colleagues across the country have shared similar experiences like this along with their frustrations. Although a lot has been written about the recent helicopter parent phenomena, I have not seen much on how student life professionals can and should handle parents such as this. As the new academic year starts, I would like to offer some practical advice on how you can better communicate with challenging parents.

1. Seek understanding before taking action. Many times parents can “catastrophize” situations because they are hearing secondhand information from their son or daughter, which may not necessarily be fully accurate. Reacting to a parent’s reaction without fully understanding the situation at hand can create chaos and further bolster the parent’s anxiety (and your own). If necessary, take extra time to find out the facts and then simply call the parent back. The problem could be a simple misunderstanding that can be easily resolved.

2. Explain the reasoning behind policies and procedures. Nothing can be more irritating than hearing someone tell you, “Well, that’s our policy” when you want something resolved right away. Fully understand the reasoning behind why your department has the policies and procedures that it does so that you yourself can explain the philosophy behind why things are the way they are. Policies and procedures are created to save time, money, resources, to enhance safety & security, and for the personal development and education of our students. Explaining these things can disarm someone particularly when the reasoning behind these policies are usually easily understood and appreciated.

3. Predict and respond to irrational thinking / reasoning. Many times, the emotion underlying anger is fear. People can become angry and aggressive when they fear that something overly negative or disasterous will happen. Parents can easily assume the worst of a situation particularly when they are not around to easily solve whatever the perceived problem may be. Irrational thoughts that an overreactive parent can have include the following: this is going to cost me a lot of money; my student will have to transfer universities because of this; this is an incredibly dangerous situation; and they don’t care about my student. You can dissolve a problem quickly if you can predict up front what the underlying thoughts a parent may have, which is causing them to be overly anxious. By providing accurate information and tactfully challenging those irrational thoughts, you can calm someone down quickly.

4. Move the conversation along toward action. Your time is important and you have other issues to attend to so make sure that you are moving the conversation along toward some sort of resolve. Be respectful and tactful, but cut to the chase as soon as possible. One easy way to do this is by asking: “Sir, how would you like me to resolve this?” or “What would you like me to do, mame?” Being empathetic and allowing someone to vent is one thing, but permitting someone to lecture and berate you is counterproductive.

5. Provide alternatives and options. Another way in which you can move the conversation along toward action is to provide alternatives and options. Figure out what these options are for various situations so that you can pull them out of your hat when the need calls. The alternatives and options may not necessarily be the exact solution the parent is asking for, but at least you’re showing a good faith effort to create a solution rather than doing nothing at all.

6. Do not allow yourself or your employees to be abused or bullied. I simply refuse to listen to an abusive parent or allow my staff to suffer the same abuse. You have to know when to say when. It is alright to acknowledge that things are getting out of hand and maybe there is a more appropriate time to discuss the matter when clearer heads can prevail. I have had multiple parents apologize on subsequent conversations for how they acted and appreciated how I resolved the situation afterward.

7. Refer to your supervisor. This should go without saying, but if you find yourself in a situation that you simply cannot resolve or the person is being overly hostile or foul-mouthed, refer them to your supervisor. Additionally, if they should demand to speak to your supervisor, do not become upset by this, just help them with their request by giving the appropriate contact information. Try to plan for this strategy ahead of time with your supervisor so that you are both on the same page when the need arises to employ this tactic.

8. Attempt to get to know them as people rather than adversaries. Keep in mind that you may have a multiple year relationship with many parents so be purposeful in your communications with them. Include them in newsletters and other pertinent mailings. Send them departmental or institutional promotional items (e.g., t-shirts, pens, mugs, etc.) as a token of your appreciation, kindness, and generocity. If you have the opportunity to talk in a personal manner, ask them about their work, their interests, and anything else of note they may discuss. Establishing relationships like this creates trust and will go a long way if you have to interact with them again in a difficult situation.

Scott M. Helfrich is the director of upper campus housing at California University of Pennsylvania, co-owner of Student Life Consultants, and the creator of http://www.studentlifeguru.com.

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What Makes Us Stronger

August 17th, 2010 | Posted by Stacy Oliver in Campus Issues | Careers | Professional Organizations | Social Networks | Work/Life Balance - (25 Comments)

A year ago at this time, I was unwittingly preparing for what would become my most difficult semester as a professional in student affairs. Over and over again, my supervisor asked me how she could help with student staff training or early arrival processes. I repeatedly declined her offers of help. The work was time consuming and tedious, but not difficult. We were short a professional staff member in the office and so I added more to my plate at a time when my plate was already overflowing.

In October, things began crashing in around me. There was a student death on campus. My supervisor left her position with less than a day’s notice, leaving me as the only full-time staff member in our department. The university was taking a critical look at my department to see if it was meeting expectations in its second year of auxiliary operation. With each new challenge placed in front of me, I accepted more responsibility personally and professionally than I should have.

Offers of help and support came in from friends at schools across the Midwest. Though the offers were appreciated, I had no idea how to best utilize the people around me. It wasn’t as though they could come in and answer the phone for a day or take the duty cell phone for a night. At some point in our lives, most of us erroneously start associating asking for help with being weak.

And then one day I sent an e-mail asking for help. The initial e-mail went to a handful of professionals in the Great Lakes Association of College and University Housing Officers. They were women who had consistently been involved in my professional development through mutual conference attendance or sharing of resources. I had no specific goal in mind with my e-mail, but I let them know that I wasn’t in a good place and needed help. Within days, my established professional support network became a personal safety net. There were daily phone calls and e-mails checking on me as well as moments of letting me bounce ideas off of them for feedback as I tried to keep our department moving forward. When we all arrived on site for the annual regional conference in mid-November, we gathered in a suite on the top floor of the hotel, where I finally cried.

It struck me that night that we aren’t afraid of asking for help only because it makes us feel weak; we also fear that when we reach a hand out for help, no one will be there. I can count at least four professional relationships that are stronger because I asked for help in October and three new professional relationships I’ve built by asking for help since then.

Especially at this time of year, which can be overwhelming and daunting, we all need a reminder that others are there to help, even when we aren’t sure what we need. You might find the answer you need or the support to find that answer on your own.